lyrics

Grandfather watches
The grandfather clock
And the phone hasn't rang for so long
And the time flies by
Like a vulture in the sky
Suddenly he breaks into song

And I'm waiting by the phone
waiting for you to call me up
And tell me I'm not alone
I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me

Hello speak up
Is there somebody there
These hangups are getting me down
In a world frozen over
With over exposure
Let's talk it over
Let's go out and paint the town

And I'm waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up
And tell me I'm not alone
Cause I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me

where is the horse and the rider?

Fives times now, and it gets harder each time to remember that I am only sitting in the dark in front of the enormous silvered screen. The shot with Eowyn coming up the steps to the great hall at Edoras, and you can see her legs because she's holding that green dress up to run moves me for some reason I can not fully articulate. Fives times, and every time I weep for it, every single damned time. Perhaps it is the music, and all those people trying to make the right decisions, and the despair of leaving, of dying.

I really don't give a damn what kind of evolutionary throwback it makes me to want a simpler, feudalistic era, with Tolkien's nostalgia and all. I don't remember which review I read made that comment now. But it would rest easier on my heart to know what I believed in, for the answer to be that much clearer for me. Because all I fucking want anymore is to know what I believe and I don't have that answer.

Metro, my Metro at 3am on a Monday night is sparsely populated. But Steve is working, so you know the music will be good, even with all those strange Depeche Mode covers that are oddly entertaining. On the way home I heard a song I used to sing under my breath in my seventh grade math class, after we moved and I was again the unfamiliar strange kid who told stories that were wildly far off what should have been true.

And yes, I am in a mood, and no I really couldn't give you a good reason. Other than this inner voice that seems to affect me very strongly right now, and I'll chalk that up to it being the end of the year. I hate this day, I hate this moment with a passion because it fills me with such unease. I should spend it somewhere loud and full of people I know, but I imagine I will be at home, cleaning and consuming stimulants. Or perhaps I'll just take something so I sleep through it all. But we both hate to sleep, hate the thought we might be missing something, so we wake up early even though there is nothing to do.

(no subject)

I slept til two in the afternoon, remarkably late. Well, excluding waking up at 11 and making my way to the bedroom to sleep still more. It felt good, in a way my sleep has not in some many months. True rest, sweet and warm.

Now I cook rice, and contemplate cleaning. Melynda threatened me with violence if I did not go out tonight, even though I hate the last night of a year. We shall see. Gene is off somewhere else, and the house is empty after the mass exodus to Dallas.

I can still feel the dream, the echoes of last night, and I cried when I checked my email.

time slipping by

Will steadfastly ignore the end, and instead play video games and eat cookies. James and I went to Metro, but they were closing at 8pm, so we talked with Greg and played a quick game of cards. Greg gave us our coffee and snacks for free. Had a beer at the Dog & Duck, and talked about the future for a little while before coming back here.

The shot of Viggo Mortensen doing the sound pick-ups for the game, wearing a dun colored hat and hefting that Elvish knife given to Aragorn in Lothlorien is grand.