I want a cigarette so badly

With an hour and a half almost to spare, I've exceeded the high standards production goals for the day. Some days I wish I was salaried, so I could just leave. Summoning up the enthusiam for overtime is difficult. My overtime hourly rate is what I should be making normally, and the contrast irks me. The company advances fifty notches in the Fortune 500 ranksing and suddenly I have to shell out $300 to get prescriptions filled. I can't even check how much the cost of these drugs will be, and the fucking insurance may just decide not to cover them at all.

Alan is taking me out to one of my favorite restaurants for my birthday. That will make up for the working. Just keep thinking about that instead of everything else.

Melynda told me last night that I should tell the world the reason I don't go out so much is because I can't stand the guilt trips, the "we hardly ever see you!" or the "why don't you come out more?" things I hear. Mostly I don't like being put on the spot for my natural inclinations. I'd go out more if I wasn't tired from a job that dulls my brain, or if I wasn't so worried about money and other more serious obligations. It doesn't have anything to do with how much I care about my friends.

nothing like an afternoon with humanity

You know, no one deserves a damned thing unless they can act like a decent human being. This includes learning to read, learning not to drive fourty miles an hour on a highway access ramp, not to drive a crappy early 80s model car so that others can not exit the freeway, not to haggle over ten cents on a can of frozen grape juice with a sixteen year old store clerk when you drive a brand new car and hold up a very crowded grocery store, not to ask if you can cut in line in front of tired people when there are fucking express lanes in said store, not to have screaming arguments with your two different girlfriends and stomp around your apartment, not to keep basic parts supplied for when something breaks in your apartment complex, not to get drunk at the pool and rip out the hot tub controls, not to cheat your employees of decent healthcare, not to charge outrageous amounts for necessary prescriptions, not to drive around without insurance and hit other people's cars, not to forget your children's birthdays, and most of all not to be an asshole. Until then, get the fuck out of my way.

On the lighter side, my mother had a doctor's appointment as well so we got to chat in the waiting room. She has a birthday present for me, and my mom gives good presents. We'll go over there this weekend and see the beasties. I get along better with my mother these days, and that makes life a lot better. Neither one of us have heard from my father in months. Who knows what is going on there. I have the feeling my father's side of the family has cut me out of the loop, but I have no real evidence. Just a hunch.

Despite hellacious conditions in the grocery store, we have a lot of stuff for stir fried goodness with the bok choy and the water chesnuts and the snow peas and the broccoli and some meats. It will be okay, I keep telling myself. Other people are much worse off, other people are sicker or poorer or something. It's getting hard to rein in the frustration though. I am glad I never got my concealed carry permit, because some days I want to pull a gun and start screaming like Amanda Plummer in Pulp Fiction.