(no subject)

There's something bleakly humorous in the knowledge that I might have once been a capable person but I have more trouble with living in this world than I ever expected to have. It comes down to a lot of escapism. If only someone would pay me to live in a made up world.

I dreamed about painting last night.

Another day, another soulless round at the office. In an effort not to get myself fired for making mistakes, I've cut my production by a third. Now it will be the trick to not get fired for not putting forth enough effort. We had one of those comapny wide meetings, where the VP chanted "Cut costs, increase productivity." It's a slogan that gives me the creeps, because it never means anything good like improvements to the processes or better management. It means crack the whip harder and cut the health insurance.

I'm working on my resume.

I want chinese food for dinner. Crispy walnuts and spicy soup.

My cat is a great grey land whale. I think he's getting bigger every day.

I would also like a peppermint mocha, on ice.

disaster

So. Around 5:30 this evening, I was reading, Jonathan Strange. Suddenly my left hand started to feel numb and I flexed my wrist. The pain started coming in waves. At one point I was leaning against the bedroom wall sobbing and trying to dial my phone. I couldn't grasp anything without intense pain, just thinking about using any muscle in my arm hurt.

So the after hours clinic doctor was nice, and they took my blood pressure twice. It seems normal again, down to 110/70. After questions and prodding, it seems I have a repitive motion problem and some pressure on a nerve. I have to wear a brace on my left arm for two weeks and I can't type. I'm writing this with one hand and it is taking forever. Hate hate hate.

Worst of all, this puts me way behind with Nano and I despair of being able to finish with this injury. I'm so depressed. They didn't give me any good drugs, just anti-inflammatories. I have some blackberry jasmine tea but I still want to cry.