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dreams in color, dreams in red
Dec. 14th, 2005 08:06 amAgain, with these episodic dreams. In this installment, I ended up in this big old house with some friends. the person who vanished and left us the house even left the kitchen full of useful things like egg noddles, large jars of olive oil, a cuisinart and an ice cream maker. I very much think this dream was inspired by last night's grocery shopping.
Today is my LJ anniversary. I created my account on a boring night in 2000 when there was nothing else to do at the office of the dot com where I slaved. Hell, I've been using this icon since 2001!
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December 14th, 2000:
I am reading all those books I had to put off during the semester. My Dostoevsky class required a fair amount of reading, since we covered most of his major works. (Though I think it wold have been nicer to say have a class on just one or two of his novels.) But Professor L. is a little crazy, I don't know who or what made him teach this class. He usually does 20th century Russian Literature.
December 14th, 2001:
Instead, I stayed around and distracted Clock from his Electrical Engineering textbook. Rambling, eccentric conversation. We made ourselves ridiculously hungry, and it was good. Later Kevin appeared, whom I haven't seen in quite a long time. Matt, who is the young gay male version of myself, arrived after midnight and we played Shanghai Rummy with Micah for a little while. It felt good to use the social side of myself for a little while. I am too often a hermit.
December 14th, 2002:
It just occured to me that I have not eaten all day. Voraciously tearing open a blood orange and drinking coke. Mmm, happiness. But driving around all day listening to Our Lady Peace put me in such a good mood that I even waved cheerfully at the Mormon boys walking through the neighborhood.
December 14th, 2003:
Off to get bobby pins, and then to wedding. At 6pm CST, wedding commences.
So so weird.
It is the most perfect December Texas day, in the 60s, blue sky as far as it curves and bright white sunshine.
Will be more eloquent in a couple days. Wheee.
December 14th, 2004:
Last night I dreamed I was fleeing to Moscow. It was strange, cold and I stayed the night in a small hotel outside a nameless city. Someone projected movies onto a blank concrete wall, and the kids were all on coke. It's cold outside, and I'll blame the dream on that. I have the Screaming Trees "I Nearly Lost You" in my head, but I don't think the song is for me.
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As you see, this would also be my wedding anniversary, if my marriage still existed. It's strange to look at those five days, yanked out of time. Also horrifying to read my early entries because I was so angsty and awful and screwed up. but still, it's fascinating to chart the progression. I've never kept a regular journal this long. For years I had a bad habit of destroying my writing every so often in fits of artistic rage or depression. Of course it is never good enough. But the LJ keeps me from these grandiose gestures and preserves all this record because a delete key is not nearly so final or eloquent.
This has been a long strange year. I'm not sure I'm in the mood to do a real wrap up with highlights and such. It has been incredibly painful, a great deal of the time. I lost some pieces that were precious to me, and living does not so easily allow you to replace or pick up pieces that slide away. You go on anyway, because there isn't anything else to do. Move, or die.
Today is my LJ anniversary. I created my account on a boring night in 2000 when there was nothing else to do at the office of the dot com where I slaved. Hell, I've been using this icon since 2001!
-----
December 14th, 2000:
I am reading all those books I had to put off during the semester. My Dostoevsky class required a fair amount of reading, since we covered most of his major works. (Though I think it wold have been nicer to say have a class on just one or two of his novels.) But Professor L. is a little crazy, I don't know who or what made him teach this class. He usually does 20th century Russian Literature.
December 14th, 2001:
Instead, I stayed around and distracted Clock from his Electrical Engineering textbook. Rambling, eccentric conversation. We made ourselves ridiculously hungry, and it was good. Later Kevin appeared, whom I haven't seen in quite a long time. Matt, who is the young gay male version of myself, arrived after midnight and we played Shanghai Rummy with Micah for a little while. It felt good to use the social side of myself for a little while. I am too often a hermit.
December 14th, 2002:
It just occured to me that I have not eaten all day. Voraciously tearing open a blood orange and drinking coke. Mmm, happiness. But driving around all day listening to Our Lady Peace put me in such a good mood that I even waved cheerfully at the Mormon boys walking through the neighborhood.
December 14th, 2003:
Off to get bobby pins, and then to wedding. At 6pm CST, wedding commences.
So so weird.
It is the most perfect December Texas day, in the 60s, blue sky as far as it curves and bright white sunshine.
Will be more eloquent in a couple days. Wheee.
December 14th, 2004:
Last night I dreamed I was fleeing to Moscow. It was strange, cold and I stayed the night in a small hotel outside a nameless city. Someone projected movies onto a blank concrete wall, and the kids were all on coke. It's cold outside, and I'll blame the dream on that. I have the Screaming Trees "I Nearly Lost You" in my head, but I don't think the song is for me.
-----
As you see, this would also be my wedding anniversary, if my marriage still existed. It's strange to look at those five days, yanked out of time. Also horrifying to read my early entries because I was so angsty and awful and screwed up. but still, it's fascinating to chart the progression. I've never kept a regular journal this long. For years I had a bad habit of destroying my writing every so often in fits of artistic rage or depression. Of course it is never good enough. But the LJ keeps me from these grandiose gestures and preserves all this record because a delete key is not nearly so final or eloquent.
This has been a long strange year. I'm not sure I'm in the mood to do a real wrap up with highlights and such. It has been incredibly painful, a great deal of the time. I lost some pieces that were precious to me, and living does not so easily allow you to replace or pick up pieces that slide away. You go on anyway, because there isn't anything else to do. Move, or die.