Feb. 28th, 2006

threeplusfire: (UT sunset)
I wish I could pinpoint the moment that reading the news became an exercise in creative control. In the aftermath of September 11th, I spent hours stuck to the television, the net and the radio. I couldn't take myself away from it. Sometime after the documentary footage aired that showed the end from inside the towers, I turned the television off. I think I spent a couple months avoiding the news and the papers, the longest single span of time in my life that I've ever closed my eyes. I grew up watching cable news and ABC with Peter Jennings. I read the paper after my parents finished on Sunday mornings. I have always loved the news, and for a long time I had some ideal of what it was to be a journalist and to tell the truth.

Today I watch the news still. I even watch the silly local 24/7 cable news, with their gawky and endearing new reporters straight out of school. I read the papers, though only three on a regular basis. I watch much less CNN and Headline News as they've shifted to a shorter and shorter format that is less news and more soundbytes. ABC News without Peter Jennings is just hollow.

When I read the news now, I find myself thinking - when did car bombings and suicide attacks become so normal? will I go to hell if I only read the local news today because there's so much less death? does the entertainment section matter, or will I go to hell for just reading that? is it possible to really give a damn what that drugged up British rock star is doing in light of the political situation? how many horrifying things can I read about our leadership before I snap and start throwing rocks at anyone with that stupid "W" sticker on their car? I've noticed I don't have the stamina to read it all at once anymore. Every day I pick an issue or a section and throw myself into that. I can only worry so much. the environmental impact of China's construction problems is just as horrifying as the situation in South Dakotam, the failure of the government to follow through on their responsibilities in New Orleans, the fishing industry or the ongoing slog through hell in Iraq. That approach makes me feel weak, though. I wonder if my youthful idealism has finally gone down for the count.

In the grand scheme of living, it perhaps doesn't matter as much as I would like to think. I just spend a lot of time thinking, and I haven't learned to stop doing that.

edit 8:40am I forgot to note the really funny part of yesterday was walking back to the car in the Whole foods parking lot and thinking I was about to be run over by an SUV covered in GW stickers in the parking lot of a hippie grocery store. Ahh, the wrong.

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