not just yet

Thankfully, today is not the day I lose my mind and start rampaging down the freeway with a rocket launcher and a bunch of turkey buzzards. (Though I know some of you are disappointed by this statement.) My windshield was fixed up nicely by a funny ex-Marine who came out to my office exactly when he said he would. I spent twenty minutes hanging out on the curb, talking about brisket, California, and the travesty of putting brown gravy on a chicken fried steak.

It's been a much better day. I did leave my Jujy fruits at home, which is sad because Tyler gave me a lot of candy to improve my mood last night. I also watched Mrs. Harris again, which has some of the finest Annette Benning and Ben Kingsley action you're likely to ever see.

Tonight I must procure milk, and tomatillos for the Dueling Salsa showdown happening in my apartment on Thursday. Fish tacos! Salsa! Friends! Few nights can boast so many happy things all at once.

rules of the grocery store

These are the rules I just made up, and I'm backing them up with this gun from the National Rifle Association!

- Who the hell writes a check at the grocery store these days? The twentieth century is calling and they have this thing called a check card...

- Who the hell writes a check at the grocery store these days that is going to bounce? I suppose people don't realize that the checks get scanned, and the computers talk to your bank. Standing there arguing with the checker and then a manager only makes you look like an idiot.

- Pushing your cart in front of a moving person and stopping makes you look like an idiot. Especially if there is no reason for this action.

- Having a screaming argument with your eight year old in the checkout line about whether she can look like whatever ninny singer is on the cover of Seventeen generally makes you look like an idiot.

- Standing in the frozen food aisle shouting Fuck in your deepest, manliest voice will not attract women and in fact makes you look like an idiot.

- Driving on the wrong side of the lanes in the parking lot makes you look like an idiot.

In other news, Wednesday is apparently a really bad day to go grocery shopping.