everything and aloe vera

I'm a bit sunburnt from spending Tuesday out of doors and in the water. The lake was rough, more like the ocean with its constant waves. It was good though, to get out. The pain is mostly gone, and I'm a completely different color than I was at the beginning of the week. I am also thinking about dying my hair purple.

Went to the doctor yesterday. My blood pressure is much lower than it has been in past visits. He blamed the gym for my sleep issues, saying it can throw your body chemistry and temperature for a loop. So I'm only supposed to go in the mornings now, to try to mitigate that factor.

Here are just about every suggested topic from previous posts. This took me three days to finish writing, because I kept getting interrupted by one thing or another.

Quirinus Quirrell: If Quirrell was a Horcrux, it was only temporary. I view him as more horrendously possessed. Possibly even driven entirely out of his body towards the end, with Voldemort play-acting at being another man to gain time.

Horcrux: While it seems like a relatively effective method of immortality, it also seems like a pretty chancy one. You never know if there are meddling kids snooping around who might end up busting your scheme. I was initially skeptical of Harry's place as a Horcrux, on the theory that using living creatures was a Very Bad Idea.

Orange juice: Possibly my favorite juice. I like orange juice with pulp, and I've gotten snobby about it as I get older. The from-concentrate juices just taste weird, more like orange drink than juice. Nothing beats fresh squeezed at home though.

Oppressive heat: I know a lot about oppressive heat. It happens when summer switches. One day I'm laying on a rock like a lizard, basking in the vitamin D glow and changing colors through genetic power. The next, I'm sleeping on the bathroom floor because even with the AC running you can feel the shimmering fire trying to scorch out your eyes. It is much worse when it is humid.

Quiet: During the day, the house is quiet. I rarely watch television or turn on music. I like this time, especially in the morning. It helps settle my brain.

Kolaches: I'm hard pressed to think of many things better than kolaches. They can be sweet or savory, flat or puffy, and a thousand variations. My favorites are poppyseed, cherry, and pan sausage with cabbage. My favorite place to buy kolaches is in Ellinger, at a gas station. I'm still working on making my own.

Egomania: Definitely not something that I have a problem with. It does make me think of a girl I knew a long time ago, who did everything she could to prove how wretched the rest of us were. It's a bad disease to have.

Trees: Trees are good. Except when they fall on your roof. But overall, pretty good. I used to climb trees alot, before my crippling fear of heights took over. I once fell about fifteen feet straight down into the yard while climbing and reading a book at the same time. No real injuries.

Language: I understand from a sociolinguistics perspective why the evolution of l33t speek and texting is interesting. I personally find it annoying because to me it screams that the writer can't be bothered to take the time to even write out the words.

Umbrellas: I've always wanted to have an assassin's umbrella, made to inject a pellet full of ricin into my enemy, like the Bulgaria case. I never seem to remember my own umbrella when I need it.

Geese: I'm a little afraid of geese. One bit me on the stomach when I was about four or five. My mother had to beat it away with a sack of bread. It was rather frightening, as the goose was easily as tall as me back then.

Tea: My favorite kind of tea is Lipton iced tea. I grew up on it. My grandmother would make big jars of it, set out on the porch in the sun. Oddly for the South, I grew up on unsweetened tea. My husband likes his sugary and syrupy. When I was in Prague, Maly Buddha had about sixty kinds of tea on their menu. They would bring them out, a little pot and cup just for you. No two pots were alike. That's the only time I made a habit of drinking hot tea, because I managed to taste a dozen different kinds.

Xenu: I don't think I'm allowed to talk about Xenu unless I get some kind of form signed by Tom Cruise, right?

Texas: For every bad thing (the heat, the racist rednecks, I-10, Dallas), there's something good (Austin, the two lane country roads, Southern hospitality, the Frio river). I grew up thinking all I wanted was to leave but as I get older the more I want to stay. Texas is a big place. There are so many people, so many lives and landscapes within our borders. Despite all the faults and things we still need to fix, I love my state.

Bravery: I don't consider myself especially brave. I think bravery is doing what you know you have do, doing the right thing no matter how scared you are. Bravery is taking a stand, not giving way because it is easier to just let it slide. Bravery is a fourteen year old boy who called the abuse hotline because he was scared for a girl he liked in church choir, a girl with horrible injuries under her t-shirt who confided that her father scrubbed her with steel wool to wipe away "her sins" since she was starting to grow breasts. (I remember putting my head on my desk and crying after that call.) Bravery is standing up for yourself and the people you love.

Decadence: For me, decadence revolves around baths and beds. Enormous tubs with overhead sprinklers, dozens of kinds of of scented soaps, bath fizzies, and scrubs, soft fluffy towels, and a bed piled high with pillows and satin sheets. I like to lay in the bath, reading, and drinking something cold like lemonade or tea while steam rises off the water.

Dragons: While I had a unicorn phase when I was little, I think dragons have always been my favorites. Good or evil, they are old and full of knowledge and treasure. I love McCaffrey's dragons, with their telekinesis and bonds. Melanie Rawn made her dragons beautiful, as did Naomi Novik. I used to wish for one on the long walk home from school, to pick me up and spare my feet.

Fear: I'm most afraid of falling down, of heights and slippery slopes. I have to look at my feet going down the smallest of stair cases or I might stumble. (I've actually fallen on two staircases, one time twisting my ankle.) I have this terrible fear of high places, that I will find myself with an uncontrollable urge to jump. I don't know why.

Jewelry: One of my vices is the acquisition, wearing and hoarding of jewelry. I love the shine, the sparkle, the glimmer. I own more earrings made by Wyrding Studios than I care to admit. It's art I can carry around, play with, drape over things, adorn myself and my dressing table. I love new things and old things, my emerald engagement ring, my treasured pieces of rhinestone and acrylic costume jewelry, every shining and sparkling piece. If in doubt, just get me a piece of jewelry.

Astrology: I read somewhere that what we think of as astronomy would be more accurately called astrology but the named got bandied about by the hippie types before the scientist types could get a handle on it. Anyhow, I'm a Gemini. A lot of that fits. I like to read my horoscope every so often when I'm looking for inspiration for something. It isn't something I put a lot of stock into, but I can enjoy reading about it.

Religion: I grew up without religion, and in my huge rebellion against my parents converted to Catholicism. The Catholic church gives me a lot of ritual, a lot oh physicality that I feel I need to help me in my search. (I'm not even going to discuss the church on earth's stance on issues as there are huge problems there for me and that isn't the point) I used to be very spiteful about religion when I was younger and I still can't stand to see political agendas cloaked in a thin film of religious fervor. But I try not to raise my blood pressure over it, say my rosary and try to find my way.

Masks: I used to own a beautiful porcelain mask from New Orleans, painted black and gold and white. I have no idea what happened to it. Maybe it is in a box somewhere in my mother's house. I've always loved the idea of masked balls, of dancing and parties where everyone kept their faces covered.

Nostalgia: I can wax nostalgic at the drop of a hat. I'll do so with the next topic. It can be good and bad, as it tends to rub the ugly edges off memories.

Video games: The first video game I ever played was Gauntlet, on an arcade machine in a bar in Lubbock with my father and his friend. When I was about ten or eleven, I saved my allowance for an entire year to buy a Nintendo. the first time I beat Super Mario III, I took a photograph of the television, cause we didn't have screenshots back then. I was envious of kids who had Game Boys. I remember spending hours downloading the preview level for Quake, on James' computer. In high school, we left campus to play Area 51 in the arcade down the road and D showed me how to shoot with both guns. There have been so many huge advances in gaming, so many awesome things right up to the Nintendo Wii in my living room. But my heart will always be fondest of those old games.

Cake: I'm going to make Mike's birthday cake. He's requested the classic yellow cake with chocolate frosting. I didn't make myself a cake this year. I love complicated, towering cakes. If I had to run away and start a different life under witness protection, I'd make them get me a job making cakes. Currently, the Dethklok album is an excellent cake making soundtrack as it provides good rhythm for mixing batter or creaming butter & sugar.

Pie: Oh pies. Pies are the greatest form of food ever. Every culture in the world has some form of pie, savory or sweet or cold or warm. My very best pie is the chocolate strawberry one, though I also do a wickedly tart key lime pie. I love blueberry pies, and cherry pies and the chocolate ice box pie at Luby's.

Penguins: One of my favorite modern novels is Death and the Penguin by Andrei Kurkov. It is a strange, strange novel and wonderful. A man with a penguin living in his bathtub gets involved with the Russian mafia. Quirky and so worth reading.

Sexuality: This is probably the most complicated topic ever. I mean, I'm biologically a girl but in my head and my heart I'm a boy and sometimes looking in the mirror hurts. I remember the first time I had a crush on a girl and realized I wasn't like the rest of my classmates. I like my sex quick and violent and hard. I regret not figuring this out until later in life.

Wizards: Oh wizards. Most of my first loves were wizards. They had funny hats or staves, went on quests and told tragic stories. They were powers behind the throne, keepers of secrets and lies, every time one of them died I sobbed into my book where I read by flashlight under blankets. They were my first characters, wizards and mages and warlocks who kept counsel in my head.

Infamous: The movie Infamous was filled with more big name stars, but didn't have quite the same cold and desperate sensation that Capote did. There's plenty to like in Infamous and it is certainly worth watching, especially for the sets and costumes.

Whiskey: I like whiskey. Sadly my hard drinking days are fading, so I don't drink it nearly as much. I like to cook onions with butter in my skillet, with a splash of whiskey for extra flavor. I sip at it illicitly, pretending I'm a repressed 1950's housewife breaking into the liquor cabinet before dinner.

Unbearable: There have been times in my life where the pain was acutely unbearable. My divorce, for one, was a six month period in which every day like was like breathing in sand or glass. Sometimes just thinking about my work was unbearable, or trying to hold a rational conversation in the face of blinding, appalling denial. There isn't much one can do it about them I suppose.

Yorick: Alas Yorick, that I knew you so little and only from Hamlet.