this is why I am so misanthropic

Actual questions I had to moderate tonight for a major retail website:

For a broadband router:
Does this work like an internet modem? Cuz i dont have an internet modem i was going to buy this just to use it with my ps3 for wifi connection so do u just plug it in and it works?

Are there modems that connect to something other than the internet? Skynet? A totally different series of tubes? Seriously dude, how the fuck are you going to get online if you don't have internet service?

For a webcam:
I am thinking about purchasing this item for a friend who lives in Ireland. Would this web camera be compatible with their computer system?

Because everything in Ireland is powered by whiskey and potatoes, so you never know if the webcams are going to be compatible! Again, seriously?

For mp3 player:
How do I charge it? I don't have a Laptop so I don't know if I charge it on the computer or in an outlet

I can't even come up with something snarky for this - it is just too boggling.