In which I am all introspective, sort of

I quit therapy some months back because it just made me resentful. Resentful of having to go, having to prove how damaged I am so I can receive a paper certificate affirming my existence is recognized, resentful because I leave therapy with realizations that prompt a lot of anger and grief and then I have to live with that. So I'm taking a break from therapy. But I try to apply a certain relentless examination to things.

On the heels of my "you don't have to do everything exactly the way you did as a child" realization comes another one. Possibly totally ridiculous and petty, but that is how it is. So I have this neighbor, who washes his car way too often and blasts his car stereo and home stereo at times with the annoying, slightly arrhythmic bass beat of rap music I don't like. I had one of those stupid lightbulb moments the other day when I realized that I get so irrationally enraged by hearing even the faintest bass beat because -

It reminds me of my sister.

Once that knowledge all slid into place I felt relieved. Maybe even less annoyed. Which is a feat, given how furious my anger is so often. But now I know and now I can try to stop subconsciously associating my neighbor with my sister. That will probably be good for my blood pressure.