the darkness on the sky
Jan. 10th, 2001 06:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threeplusfireWell, that sense of foreboding was justified. I got an email from my grandfather this afternoon. My grandmother's mother is very ill, in the hospital. She's stoppped talking, eating, and it seems that her body is shutting down.
As if it wasn't bad enough with that, her sister Linda's husband was murdered closing up his laundromat last night. The police think it was part of a robbery.
I can't imagine how hard it is for my grandmother and her sister right now. This is just so much at once. It's been a few years since I've seen my great-grandmother Love. She's been in a nursing home, as her mind has been wandering and most of her living relatives are also getting older. For quite a time, she's been living in the past as her twenty year old self on the family's old plantation. In some ways, I think that has been a blessing as it makes her happy. It's hard on my grandmother though. (Yes, we're from the South, and yes we did have a plantation. Sadly we sold it years ago cause it was just too expensive and hard to keep up. I would have liked to have seen it.)
I'm not ready to deal with my family getting older. Hell I'm not ready to deal with getting any older. This just terrifies me, and I don't feel adult enough stable enough anything right now. My hands shake and the panic seeps in under my breath.
I guess it is too soon right now. Cause I just feel sad and scared and empty. All I want is to go to St Thomas More and pray, and go home.
As if it wasn't bad enough with that, her sister Linda's husband was murdered closing up his laundromat last night. The police think it was part of a robbery.
I can't imagine how hard it is for my grandmother and her sister right now. This is just so much at once. It's been a few years since I've seen my great-grandmother Love. She's been in a nursing home, as her mind has been wandering and most of her living relatives are also getting older. For quite a time, she's been living in the past as her twenty year old self on the family's old plantation. In some ways, I think that has been a blessing as it makes her happy. It's hard on my grandmother though. (Yes, we're from the South, and yes we did have a plantation. Sadly we sold it years ago cause it was just too expensive and hard to keep up. I would have liked to have seen it.)
I'm not ready to deal with my family getting older. Hell I'm not ready to deal with getting any older. This just terrifies me, and I don't feel adult enough stable enough anything right now. My hands shake and the panic seeps in under my breath.
I guess it is too soon right now. Cause I just feel sad and scared and empty. All I want is to go to St Thomas More and pray, and go home.
