some miseries are private

[threeplusfire]

I know now why I never had a drug habit. Other than the money and such incidentals. It makes one annoying as hell, and the side effects are bothersome. Indeed. I'm going to have to apologize for hassling people with the telephone tomorrow. I think I made a million calls from Melynda's cell phone and at work. Every person I had a phone number for in my wallet.

Discussed our mutal dislike of sheep with Morgan this morning, and for once didn't feel like a total git in Czech class. Maybe I'll even learn my lines this weekend. I have an exam next week in Classics, and probably one in Nutrition as well. So much work to do in the next couple of months. I'm taking my last credits over the summer. Stretching out my undergrad days just a little longer. Selfishness I suppose.

We're going to clean the house this weekend, pack some of our things. I can't wait to move. The idea of a new space and freedom from my last connection to someone who used to be my friend sounds so good right now.

Watching the world fluctuate, plane ticket prices, headlines, stock markets, stories, video clips, radio static. I'm so glad the verdict came back guilty in the San Francisco dog mauling trial. People who keep animals they don't understand, don't train, or can't control make me want to scream. Creating monsters like this, breeding animals and shaping them into machines of destruction... There's no other reason to have something like a Presa Canario. It's bred to kill.

My mother used to train police dogs, and do Schitzhund training with German Shepards. Some of my earliest memories were of playing with the enormous black dogs we had, Poppy and Shadow. Magic, who was with me from Lubbock til the end of high school. He used to walk the house at night, check to see if everyone was asleep. When I came home at one in the morning, he greeted me at the door. They were trained to protect and defend, and I was never afraid with them. Most dogs are not inherrently dangerous. They are wonderous creatures. Of course, there are always exceptions. Some are vicious, to be sure, and some turn violent. I've seen it. It happens. It's not something to be encouraged.

I hear that Information Society song in my head. Those tapes make me sad now. Remembering what I can't go back to. It has to be obvious now. My fault for dragging things on too long. My fault for not being able to find the words in a situation I couldn't get a grip on. We have to know now, that there is no going back. God, I'm sorry. I'm genuinely sorry for the mistakes I've made.


take free enneagram test

Comments

[ex-candles994.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you about the trial. The woman who dies was originally from hear, so it's probably getting a little more press than elsewhere, but those dogs should not have kept in such a small apartment, especially because they're rottweilers. Those people are not only dumb, but cruel as well. I'm sad they're not going to get more jailtime, but I hope it serves as a blueprint for future cases.

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I think the couple involved showed utter callousness before the trial. Making jack ass statements about how the victim must have been on steriods or wearing some perfume to incite the dogs. That the woman had the nerve to testify and say she tried to protect! Diane Whipple from the dogs made me want to punch her through the television. What nerve. Makes my vindictive, evil streak come out.

[ex-candles994.livejournal.com]

yep, again I agree. There should be an extra sentence slapped on the accused for complete idiocy.

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

That's why I won't ever get my concealed carrying license. I'd just starting shooting people left and right for being such idiotic bastards. Clean up the gene pool! Shoot an idiot today! ;)

God, this comment is a good sign I need to go to bed right now.

[ex-candles994.livejournal.com]

yes, and the fact that I'm wholeheartedly agreeing with you about murdering useless people is a sign I should be in bed right now as well. 'night. :)

[water-damage.livejournal.com]

You don't need a license to carry a gun with a stock (stalk?). Only handguns. You seem to me like the rifle kind of girl anyway. Yeah, sure, a glock for insurance, but I think you'd be a brilliant marksman with a nice AR-180

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I'm picturing guns growing on stalks now, out in the Panhandle. Hee.

Ideally I think I would be much better with a rifle. The handgun would just be for those sketchy moments. I really need to practice shooting again. It's been so long.

[water-damage.livejournal.com]

Mamie and I had already diagnosed you as a 5 with a 4 wing. :-D You have no choice! I'm a 4 with a 5 wing

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Haha. Good to know.