I have nothing left to prove

[threeplusfire]

Tomorrow is the exam that counts. We shall see if I earn my certificate or not. Though I do not know why I should worry, since my degree is done, and I am not really a student any longer. God, that is depressing. I think maybe I will just go to classes for the hell of it. So I don't feel so old.

Yesterday I bought a plane ticket from Prague to Frankfurt for Sunday. On Monday I am flying back to Texas. I can't think of much to say about it. There are things I adore here. The land is beautiful, breath-taking, so fraught with time and history and memory. The cathedral here is several centuries old. The building I live in was built by the Communists. There are cobblestone streets. Mozart lived here once. There are white butterflies, and flowers. The beer is good, and cheap.

I am lonely though. Much as that might once have seemed an admission of weakness, of my general unfitness to be, I cna accept that it is only human and real. I miss the people who know me. Strange to think that they have not known me for a long period of my life, but for a significant piece of it. I met Gene and Melynda around the same time, I think. Of all the people I met two years ago, I did not think that they would be the ones I would come to care for so much.

I miss my friends. I miss my family also. I can not help but worry about them. I miss my cats, my bed. Little things, that I suppose I would grow away from in time.

Thinking about this a lot over the past week. I could be really happy here. I could also be profoundly miserable, especially come winter. However much I want to be here, I do not want to be here alone. Which means, I suppose, that I am going to have talk Melynda into learning some Czech...

In the meantime, I am going back to Texas.

Comments

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

It is always strange to go back, because everything feels so new and plastic. Such an odd thought, that there are buildings, just buildings here older than my home country.