(no subject)

[threeplusfire]

I've now been up for something close to fourty hours straight, and it is the weirdest damn feeling. I haven't done this in a couple years at least. Experiencing interesting auditory hallucinations that include a running soundtrack of music, and strange beeps and various things. My vision has slowed and become somewhat overlaid with a strange bright relief. It's fading, so I hope I can finally sleep, as I have to be up and functional in less than twelve hours.

There really is nothing more beautiful to me here in Austin than the UT campus on a gorgeous spring day, with students laying around, and the smell of the ground, the water in the fountains, the shadows of the buildings, the trees, the people on the West Mall. The way Calhoun feels inside, the papers taped to the hallway, Hana's office, the basement, everything. It's a home to me.

I spoke to about ten first year Czech students today about the Brno program, and I encouraged them all to go. They seemed nervous but enthused. For less than three grand, they get one of the most awesome study abroad experiences any university offers and there's nothing cheaper than that. Tim might be going along with them, and I so wish that I was too. Afterwards I ate lunch with Hana, and it feels so good to have her not just as a professor and advisor, but as a friend. We can talk about anything, and she helps me think things through, encourages me to do things that make me happy.

Spent my afternoon sucking down caffiene in Metro, which was quite empty. This is the first spring break since 1985 that I have not been in school. I'm mind boggled by that fact.

But you know, I realized today that I am happy as myself. I'm happy, and I never expected to be. It's fucking amazing and strange, and so unexpected. I do not have all the things I want, or whatever, but I'm happy.

Comments

Sleep dep

[ekatarina.livejournal.com]

It took me a while to realize that the little shadow si saw in the corners of my eye, were not actually the mice that once lived in my old house - they were sleep deprivation hallucinations. I could conjure them up with a few days notice and a lot of bad late-night tv.

When they got people sized I stopped messing with them.

I still panic about my work. I still get things done at the last minute. However I have grown less afraid of asking for an extension or two, and I try to get to bed at ten (or eleven) most nights.

(Rule number one, no internet after 8 on school days. It usually works.)

Good luck. I wish I could speak another language so well. I also wish I could go on exchange. It's a bad time right now for me to do so. Another time.

Cheers,

Ekatarina

(Maybe I'll teach in France?)

Re: Sleep dep

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Yes, the shadows. Mine are usually about the size of cats.

I think it all just happened because I have no real schedule anymore. I'm fairly content with working from 5pm to 2am, and then either sleeping or staying up til dawn. It just happened that I couldn't sleep on a night I needed to, and then there isn't time for nearly another 24 hours to do so. Blah. Well, at least it was vaguely entertaining.

Go to France! It's beautiful and lovely and the food is so good. And they are right, the best way to learn a language is to have to use it every day.

[alainn-sorcha.livejournal.com]

You've been in college since 1985?? How did you do that and not kill yourself?

I'm actually really hoping you meaning 1995 and just hit a wrong button.

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I was referring to my entire educational history, from kindergarten onwards. Some schools I went to had spring breaks, others didn't. But you always knew it was there.

[alainn-sorcha.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I could have sworn it said college and not school. I'm so dopey sometimes.

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Heh, it's alright. I wish I had been in college right from the start. could have a dozen degrees by now.