threeplusfire | night vision

Vincent Laforet/The New York Times

This is what the war is here. If I had television, I'm sure I would be treated to a looping series of jets taking off carriers, ngiht vision footage of explosions, stock footage done of troops waiting in the desert. But it is always to the eerie glow of night vision that I turn back towards. Because the war will be prime time, and that means fighting at night, and it is the same color always in my dreams.

For some reason this makes me think of how I told a friend today about my years long belief that Neil Gaiman had no eyes, or had strange otherwordly orbs instead. I never saw a picture of him without sunglasses, and somewhere in my twisted young ming I decided he must not have eyes. But I've seen him recently, and he does appear to have normal human eyes.

Thus leading to another thought. I used to tell people I was poison, that I couldn't get involved in any sort of friendship or relationship because I was so damaged and sickened by the things that happened to me. I was standing in the shower today when I realized out of nowhere that I'm not that girl anymore. I'm free to choose my friends and my lovers and I simply am not carrying the weight of all those other moments any longer. Lessons learned, and I'm leaving the rest behind. I almost sat down in the tub from the sheer relief of it all, but then I would have gotten the cell phone wet. It gets staticky then, and we don't want that.

I'm thinking far too fast today, but it's good. It's the sort of thinking that leaps with the grace of a quarterhorse over the fence, and we're running alongside down to the water now. Topic after topic, ideas and sketches and so many beautiful things, and this is why I love to be alive.

Since the war is causing no small amount of stress for a great many people right now, we'll devote a moment to escapism. If you could step into any novel, any story, where would you go? Multiple answers permitted, because you certainly know I couldn't have just one.

The Fionavar tapestry by Guy Gavriel Kay. Always did want to be a woman like Kimberly, with white hair and living by a lake. But that world is one of my favorites of all fantastic and magical ones.

The Miracle Game & The Engineer of Human Souls by Josef Skvorecky. A time and a place that calls to me, a world so not my own. I'd like to think I would have learned to love jazz, and stayed up all night chain smoking and writing and talking with the people in these stories. And when the Russians came, I would forget my diacritical marks, and someone would have to correct my graffitti lovingly. Mostly for Prague.

I'm sure I could think of more, all day. Goes without saying that Tolkien's world should also be included on my list, for as often as I had nightmares about the Nazgul I also dreamed of Lothlorien and the great trees. Which is why my eyes fill with tears everytime I see them in the movies, because they are so very much like what my young heart imagined.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

hmm this answer takes me back... I'd go back to Pern in one of Anne McCaffrey's novels as a dragonrider. ;)

Ahh, see there's another good one. I wouldn't mind that either.

I would love to live in Svorecky's world. (when I think of it now I have to smile (http://www.livejournal.com/users/sluzebna/7188.html?mode=reply).)

Right now I am happily wandering the streets of Einstein's Dreams.

Quite. And I agree there, Danny wouldn't be reading Maxim.

I just finished re-reading Night Watch, and it just reinforced my crush on Sam Vimes. So I guess I'd have to pick the Discworld, at the moment.

Ahh, the Discworld! Now that's an answer I've never gotten in all the years I've asked the question. Very cool. It's been ages since I read that. I should get a new copy.

My first thought was so strong, and so not a conscious one, because consciously it seems to long ago and far away from me now was: "The Vampire Lestat, because I miss my brother."

I should sleep more than I do.

That makes sense.

Maybe, sleep might be good. I am told it is beneficial.

I've heard that rumour too, but for someone who loves sleep, I sure don't get enough of it. And I blame the muses. All of them.

And I don't know why you would ever think that -- that business about friends and lovers and what not. I mean the absolutely fucked up reasons we are the way we are, are almost invariably what draw people in, even if it's not so much a right thing that that should be the case.

If I could get away with never sleeping, I would. It would be grand, to not have to sleep, and have all that time for other things. Even if it was just laying around at the pool or something.

I had this idea for a long time that I was screwed up that anything I came close to would end up tainted in some way from the connection. I just felt guilty about everything that had ever happened. Given that I hated myself, I saw the only connecting factor between all those events was me.

You know I don't mean to make light of it, right?

It's just -- we all waste so much time.

(yes, I'm writing, so I'm in a big pontificating mood to go with it).

I know. And in some ways, it is the most ridiculous thing ever because it was indeed such a huge waste of my time. The whole thing just strikes me as so strange now that I'm on the other side of it.

(score. have you room for a wizard when I get home? and I have a truly strange observation that I must share when we talk.)

Too much rehearsal tomorrow to RP, but I'll be up for a bit so we can chat.

And tomorrow, when I get in from rehearsal I'll sleep for like 5 or so hours, so I can actually function when you get home from work.

night vision

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