the first september 11th

[threeplusfire]

I remember that it was a Tuesday, because for the first time in my life I had a class schedule where I didn't need to be at school five days a week, and so on Tuesdays and Thursdays I could sleep in and do whatever the hell I wanted. That time was precious to me, living with roommates for the first time also.

A plan just flew overhead. I think our apartment is underneath one of the approach paths for Austin Bergstrom, though we don't usually hear them pass us by.

What I remember is waking up very early for no good reason at all, and staying in bed until the constantly ringing phone drove me out of my room in a temper. My computer was fried, and I couldn't get online, but we had cable television. I turned on CNN just in time to see a building crumbling down.

I spent almost the entire day naked on the coffee table, holding my bedspread around me while I watched every news channel I could get. Most of the time I was alone. The maintenance guy came by to vacuum out the inside of the AC closet because there had been a water leak, and I turned the volume all the way up so we could hear Dan Rather over the machine. The roommate I was fast growing to dislike stopped by for an hour with her exboyfriend, and they invited me to go out for lunch. I said no, and put on some jeans. It wasn't until the sun was going down that I could bring myself to leave the house, to walk away from the television. I think I was afraid there would be more.

While I was driving on Mopac, all the radios stopped and they put the president on the air to speak, and Congress singing God Bless America. I went to Metro, because I didn't know where else to go, and it has always been a refuge for many moments. There was some sort of service on the Main Mall that night, and I remember being struck by the quiet of several thousand students. The university is only so quiet in summer when no one is there.

Why have I been thinking about all this? Why did I ever take it so hard in the first place? Autumn is traditionally the time of year when I become unwell, as they say. In 2001, I was losing my grip on reality fairly steadily. What I remember of that semester is the madness, the inability to think or feel, or cope. I failed a class that semester, and for the first time since high school I was at a complete loss. I went through a lot of razor blades that season. A lot of that feeling is caught up in my memories of September 11th.

It was such a sunny day.

Comments

[melyndabelinda.livejournal.com]

I remember that. That it was such a sunny day. I was thinking as I walked to Metro that afternoon, past all the news vans and camera crews, that it really shouldn't be.

And I remember standing with you at the service, pressed up against the hedges, holding each others hands so tightly I'm surprised we both didn't break something.

I wish we'd been closer then. We could have spared each other so much.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I remember that, because I was trying to remember the words to Amazing Grace, and how bright it was with all those candles. And how for the rest of the year you could still see the wax marks on the steps to the Main building.

We became closer, and that's the important thing.

[a311renegade.livejournal.com]

I was training at Armstrong in Pennsylvania. When it first happened, someone turned on the TV behind my office and hooked up an antenna. At first I thought it was just footage from the early 90s. Everyone hung out in my office the whole day. It was a strange day. I hope nothing like that happens again and I'm glad to be gone from Armstrong.

[neflhim.livejournal.com]

It was, in a word, a nightmare. I recall just staring into space, realizing that for the rest of the world, life had to go on. And that it would never again be safe.

I still look at every jet that flies over, wondering if it will explode.

[midnightfae.livejournal.com]

I woke up late, and wandered in and turned on the TV... I had no idea what channel it was, and for a moment I thought I was watching a movie, some kind of fiction... The footage still doesn't seem real...