![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threeplusfireEarlier I re-read some old notes in a battered notebook. They tell me I shouldn't burn my notebooks anymore, that I should keep it all even if it seems so wretched or painful. Maybe they are right. Sometimes I long for the ones I destroyed, almost four years ago now. Thought it made so much sense at the time, to exorcise my demons with fire and leave no trace of the nightmare. I wonder now. There is no way back. I have to keep reminding myself, "...you can't go back, you can't turn around, walk don't run, go go go go go..."
Sometimes I worry about reality. As if I had any way to know. I dream that everything is a dream, a coma induced hallucination, a fiction of my own making and I am not really here I am nothing more than a construct in my own idea... the kind of idea that brings on panic, the shaking, the trembling in the dark and harsh uneven breathing.
One day I'm going to have to get over this. I have to either find peace or find a way to live without being able to know the absolute truth. It's so hard to trust, forgive me. I know, I know, I know, I repeat it over and over.
"guilty by design she's nothing more than fiction she dreams in digital cause it's better than nothing now that control is gone it seems unreal she's dreaming in digital"
Sometimes I worry about reality. As if I had any way to know. I dream that everything is a dream, a coma induced hallucination, a fiction of my own making and I am not really here I am nothing more than a construct in my own idea... the kind of idea that brings on panic, the shaking, the trembling in the dark and harsh uneven breathing.
One day I'm going to have to get over this. I have to either find peace or find a way to live without being able to know the absolute truth. It's so hard to trust, forgive me. I know, I know, I know, I repeat it over and over.
"guilty by design she's nothing more than fiction she dreams in digital cause it's better than nothing now that control is gone it seems unreal she's dreaming in digital"
