something bright
Oct. 13th, 2004 05:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threeplusfireNothing makes a person feel more helpless than sitting at the bedside. Alan's grandfather was in the brand spanking new nursing home just down the street. It looks like a big resort hotel, but with nurses and wheelchairs and empty hallways. Originally he had a roommate, an older black man who wailed and screamed constantly in pain. But as the night went on, they moved Grandpa Nowak to a private room to have some peace.
It was brutal, watching him struggle to suck in air. They found him yesterday a bit after noon, unresponsive and struggling to breathe. It was probably another stroke. He kept on til about five this morning. There was always someone, usually more than one someone at the side of the bed. Even if we don't know it, no one in this family dies alone. He went peacefully at least, and they made sure that he felt no pain up to the end.
I'm trying really hard to keep the tears in check. Alan needs me, and his parents need us. There are so many things to do, so many people to call. I helped Joan pick out the tie for his suit, and I think I'll just be busy doing little things all day long to keep from stopping to think. Time enough for that later, when we get home.
I don't think I own a single black dress anymore. I need to get Alan's suit to the drycleaners and find something to wear. I need to keep moving.
This hurts.
It was brutal, watching him struggle to suck in air. They found him yesterday a bit after noon, unresponsive and struggling to breathe. It was probably another stroke. He kept on til about five this morning. There was always someone, usually more than one someone at the side of the bed. Even if we don't know it, no one in this family dies alone. He went peacefully at least, and they made sure that he felt no pain up to the end.
I'm trying really hard to keep the tears in check. Alan needs me, and his parents need us. There are so many things to do, so many people to call. I helped Joan pick out the tie for his suit, and I think I'll just be busy doing little things all day long to keep from stopping to think. Time enough for that later, when we get home.
I don't think I own a single black dress anymore. I need to get Alan's suit to the drycleaners and find something to wear. I need to keep moving.
This hurts.
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Date: 2004-10-13 06:13 am (UTC)*hugs*
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Date: 2004-10-13 06:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 06:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 06:53 am (UTC)Be well.
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Date: 2004-10-13 07:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 07:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 07:51 am (UTC)(((hugs)))
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Date: 2004-10-13 08:17 am (UTC)If you need anything, just call.
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Date: 2004-10-13 09:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 10:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 10:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 11:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 01:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 05:40 pm (UTC)Move to stave it off, but don't stave it off forever.
It's okay to cry--just cry together, if you can.
Black isn't necessary. Dark, yeah, but black.
One step at a time.
My thoughts are with you both.
i'm sorry
Date: 2004-10-13 10:32 pm (UTC)i am sure he felt the presence of his loved ones.
i am sending you strenght in my thoughts.
also it sounds like you are dealing with this rather well considering the situation.
keep trying hard. the funeral will be tough especially if you have to see him. that is the worst part, but you don't have to look if you dont' want to. usually they have some kind of line to go through to view the deceased and you can definitely stay out of it.
it is hard
dress
Date: 2004-10-13 10:33 pm (UTC)i am pretty sure it will fit
call me if you need it
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