It's the deep breath before the plunge

[threeplusfire]

Home is behind
The world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall fade

- Pippin's song, from Return of the King

Alan and I are seperating. There are many parts to the story, and I don't want to discuss the details of all of them. Let it just be that there are some things that we can not over come, and that there are some things love can not heal.

In the past two years, I have loved Alan like no other person on this green earth. No one has ever made me so happy, or made me feel so loved. I knew, and I still know that marrying him was the right choice and that it was meant to happen. I continue to love him, more than I can stand sometimes. When I wrote my wedding vows, I promised to go with him to the end. This was not the end I imagined for us.

Let me make it absolutely clear that love was never the question. Anyone who suggests otherwise, or casts insults will be deleted out of this journal. I don't want to hear anything about how anyone wasn't good enough or decisions made in haste because that is not the issue. This is the most painful, terrible thing I've had to endure in my life and that's quite a statement for me to make. I don't expect anything from those reading this. All I ask is that you respect my decision to keep the details of this situation private.

Pray for Alan, and for me, whatever your faith may be.

Comments

[mollymoon.livejournal.com]

I usually quote this when someone I care for has lost someone. It may not be a death that is causing your grief, but the sense of loss you're feeling is quite akin and I think that Mr. Lincoln's words will serve the same purpose.

In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once.

--Abraham Lincoln, Letter to a Friend, 1862

[rawumber.livejournal.com]

You have my thoughts.

I know I've been missing from your life, but I have been reading, and--

You have my thoughts and any support you might want. If you want to talk, or not talk and be distracted, or nothing at all. Is all right here.

[hugs]

[serpina.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that it hasn't turned out like you'd wanted and expected. I hope that you both can find happiness and peace, whether together or apart. I'll be thinking about you, and praying for your healing.

H.

[calledmara.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear this, not because it's not the right decision but because it is a difficult one. I am off to catch a plane, so I'm sorry I can't be more eloquent right now, but my thoughts are with you both.

[water-damage.livejournal.com]

<3 I think this is a year for breaking. Make sure you care for yourself.

[xiuzan.livejournal.com]

...or perhaps a year for new beginnings. My thoughts are with you both.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

* mounts horse *

For queen and country!

:)

[schmidtybooger.livejournal.com]

I will light a candle for you dear-one and keep you in my thoughts. I know how hard this time can be. If you ever need to chat one on one, since it seems we're going through similar situations please email me your number and I'll call you right away.
Oh, and I am sending massive piggie snuggles your way (just, uh, keep 'em away from the kitty).
*hug*

[seitvonzu.livejournal.com]

marriage can be too hard sometimes. you guys are in my thoughts and i wish you whatever resolution brings peace. *hugs*

[eleanor.livejournal.com]

I'll light a candle for both of you.

[a311renegade.livejournal.com]

My thoughts are with you Amanda.

[cedarlibrarian.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'll be thinking of you.

[feu-de-fripe.livejournal.com]

I know this is tough. I'm still dealing with it myself. I guess the difference is I didn't think I would be with mine for the rest of my life.

I know we haven't been the best of friends for a while, but I live close and I can get some booze if you like ;) Sometimes it can be nice to talk to someone that hasn't been around the two of you.

anyway, give me a call if you like 6594564

[siria.livejournal.com]

Oh Amanda, I'm sorry to hear this. I thought you were courageous when you got married and now I think it is brave of you to let go when you feel that it is time. You do what you want to do when you want to do it and I respect that. Most importantly, though, I'm glad that you have no regrets. My thoughts are with you.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

The very best to both of you.

[kleverkira.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you and Alan.

[nimlowyn.livejournal.com]

I sincerely find your strength inspiring. I'll be thinking of you.

[geoectomy.livejournal.com]

There is a time for healing, also. More often than not, it is at the end of a dark tunnel of pain and sorrow. YOu do what needs to be done.

You've gone somewhere--a few times, actually--I don't know if I could ever go. I'm just not that strong. I'm sure you have no idea how much I admire you.

If there's anything I can do, please let me know.

[summerain.livejournal.com]

♥ all love.

i have only recently found out what this feels like. ryan and i are making a go of it but i still feel this fresh.

every blessing.

[cjwriter.livejournal.com]

Sometimes things just don't work even if we go into them with the best intentions. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a difficult situation. I hope everything works out for the best.

[gypsy-pie.livejournal.com]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[msmarlamae.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I know there is nothing I can say or do to make it any easier, but you are both in my prayers.

*hugs*

(Sorry I'm so late in reading, I'm just now going back and reading friends journals, I'm really sorry hunny, I know how much you love eachother *hug* )

[warhol.livejournal.com]

Oof. I'm a bit behind with my friends' journals, and I just now noticed this. Oof. It's unfortunate that this has to happen to you all. I hope it'll be for the best.

My thoughts are with you all.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thank you Warhol.