Going down
Aug. 31st, 2001 07:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threeplusfireWhen my roommate came home last night, I very calmly and sadly told her of what had happened with the cat, my plant, and the wine. The entire time, I kept my voice low, very steady and I was feeling good that I had managed to do it all without tears or shouting.
The entire time I was speaking, she just stared at me with this blank look. When I finished, she asked bluntly, "What do you want me to do?" When I told her the wine wasn't something she could replace, she gave me a little speech about how she wasn't responsible for the cat's actions, and it was basically my own fault. And oh yeah, sorry. But it was all said so rudely and insincerely.
Perhaps I was wrong to speak so calmly. Perhaps I should have told her how much it meant to me at first. I became upset and started preparing for bed while she got on the phone with a friend.
She told her friend I was screaming at her about the cat, which was unbelievable. So shocked, I confronted her right then. It didn't do any good, as she gave me some lame excuse.
At this point I broke down. Far beyond the breaking point really. I told her she didn't care about anyone but herself and went out onto the balcony.
This is the friend I just recently held as she cried from a broken heart, the one I hurt for, the one I offered to do anything to make her feel better despite the fact that she had already thrown me over for this boy once before. Her total lack of sympathy wounded me. I haven't been this hurt by anything since my boyfriend cheated on me.
Out of my mind, I smashed three glass jars waiting for the recycling bin on the balcony. (I must get that from my mom) Fought the urge to put my hands down into it and see how much I could hold in my fists and how much it would cut. Even swept it up afterwards. Went to tall my other roommate not to walk barefoot out there for a couple days, and ended up smoking the rest of a pack of cigarettes outside.
I'm still trembling a little from last ngiht, still shocked at the way it turned out. It's difficult. I don't want to go to school or work or anything right now. I don't even know if I can make it through the day without crying.
The entire time I was speaking, she just stared at me with this blank look. When I finished, she asked bluntly, "What do you want me to do?" When I told her the wine wasn't something she could replace, she gave me a little speech about how she wasn't responsible for the cat's actions, and it was basically my own fault. And oh yeah, sorry. But it was all said so rudely and insincerely.
Perhaps I was wrong to speak so calmly. Perhaps I should have told her how much it meant to me at first. I became upset and started preparing for bed while she got on the phone with a friend.
She told her friend I was screaming at her about the cat, which was unbelievable. So shocked, I confronted her right then. It didn't do any good, as she gave me some lame excuse.
At this point I broke down. Far beyond the breaking point really. I told her she didn't care about anyone but herself and went out onto the balcony.
This is the friend I just recently held as she cried from a broken heart, the one I hurt for, the one I offered to do anything to make her feel better despite the fact that she had already thrown me over for this boy once before. Her total lack of sympathy wounded me. I haven't been this hurt by anything since my boyfriend cheated on me.
Out of my mind, I smashed three glass jars waiting for the recycling bin on the balcony. (I must get that from my mom) Fought the urge to put my hands down into it and see how much I could hold in my fists and how much it would cut. Even swept it up afterwards. Went to tall my other roommate not to walk barefoot out there for a couple days, and ended up smoking the rest of a pack of cigarettes outside.
I'm still trembling a little from last ngiht, still shocked at the way it turned out. It's difficult. I don't want to go to school or work or anything right now. I don't even know if I can make it through the day without crying.
Re:
Date: 2001-08-31 08:58 pm (UTC)I have been thinking about you too. I put your and Brigitte's names in the prayer book at church. I hope you're doing alright.
Re:
Date: 2001-09-01 09:42 pm (UTC)Trying very hard to take the high road with her. It's vexing when she seems to sink lower and lower. I mena, who steals someone's razor? That's so lame. Gah.