Amen

I had what I suppose was a vision today in Mass. Perhaps the mysticism of others is catching. But I was kneeling, listening to Father Ralph pray and looking at everything laid out on the altar. For a few moments, I could see the table with Christ and his disciples in the side of the cup. Like old paintings of the Last Supper.

Thank you God, for these things. Because I know you hear me, and you understand that belief is still so hard for me sometimes and these little moments keep me sane. I am grateful for each one.

I like the new church more and more every time I see it. All the pale stone makes the people at the altar stand out, and the acoustics are soothing. After communion, I was kneeling with my eyes closed, listening to the voices saying "the body of Christ" and "amen." Listening to the choir and the sound of feet on stone. I wanted to stay in that moment for ages. when I open my eyes, I can see Christ looking at us all, hanging in the shaft of sunlight.

(no subject)

"To love what you do and feel that it matters -- how could anything be more fun?"
-- Katharine Graham, American newspaper executive

"I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun."
-- Katharine Hepburn, American actress
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The pool is an oasis of green and blue and white. It's the best pool I've ever seen. Reading out there, swimming, drying in the sun, thinking slow comforting thoughts... this is happiness. Of a purely physical and aesthetic kind. I wish I had someone to share it with today.

(no subject)

Listening to his Belle & Sebastian cd, wondering why I like it so much. I never would have picked it up on my own. Reminds me of sitting on the futon, drinking red wine. Talking up all night, nights I was sad to go home. Wanting to stay there, wanting to go on talking until the sun came up and went down and the world ended. But I do not like it just for that, just because of him. It makes me want to sing along.

Watched X-Files and now I must wait a week to see what happens to Scully. Eep. Took Karen to the grocery store and bought scrumptious ice cream. Triple Caramel Chunk for her, and From Russia with Buzz for me. Just sitting here now, wanting a cigarette and listening to the music.

Like Dylan in the Movies
Yeah you're worth the trouble and you're worth the pain
And you're worth the worry, I would do the same
If went all went back to another time
I will love you over
I will love you...

Wishing, wanting, aching for those arms, the smile and the voice that took the pain away.