(no subject)

So many police on the road, that I kept to the speed limit on Mopac, playing David Bowie over and over. Though I took the corners too hard, felt the car skid, the stutter of the wheels on the asphalt.

keeps me running, running scared

everything I can't describe

"To feel most beautifully alive means to be reading something beautiful, ready always to apprehend in the flow of language the sudden flash of poetry."
-- Gaston Bachelard, French philosopher

"Everything can change, but not the language that we carry inside us, like a world more exclusive and final than one's mother's womb."
-- Italo Calvino

adventures in the afternoon

An adventuresome day. Went down to campus, and talked with Hana & Keith. Secured a brand new transcript showing my senior status for the scholarship application. Wandered campus. Enjoyed the air. My new shoes are breaking in nicely.

I had driven to my old bus stop, since I needed to go to the bank this afternoon. Riding the LX home, I noticed three foreign woman, looking a bit lost and not sure where they were going. The bus driver was running late and a bit surly, not much help. I figured out they were trying to get to the Embassy Suites near the Gateway. Unfortunately, the bus stop is a few miles away, and it was getting rather warm. Not a fun walk along the highway either. Instead, I took them a couple stops up to my car, and drove them to the hotel. Such lovely women, two Italians and one Spanish, all in town for some kind of business conference. I was glad to take them, glad to help them out and use some of that mythic Southern charm and hospitality. Perhaps the greatest part of my cultural heritage is that I've been raised to be kind and helpful even with strangers. Much as the South and Southern culture in America is often disparaged and seen as reactionary, we do have some excellent traits.

After some serious thought, I have concluded that Dancer in the Dark is the most powerful and eloquent film I've ever seen. It's beautifully constructed, moving with an incredible tension that riveted me to the screen. Even the musical numbers, in an ethereal way. I don't like musicals as a rule, yet the way it was used in this film works. I've never seen a movie that moved me so strongly, never have I connected to a character so unlike myself. Dogma 95 is a bunch of pretension, but the unsteady camera gave it a documentary like realism. Bjork was quite good in her role, especially towards the end. I believed every line, and at the end I broke down in tears because I felt every word in my heart. It was so beautiful.

(no subject)

NORWAY: ST. HALLVARD'S DAY

Revered as a martyr for his defense of an innocent person, St. Hallvard
is the patron saint of Oslo, Norway's capital city. His feast day is marked with concerts, theater, and family events.

A brief biography of St. Hallvard:
http://www.catholic.org/saints/saints/hallvard.html

I remember your voice

with or without you
with or without you
I can't live
with or without you

and you give yourself away
and you give yourself away
and you give
and you give
and you give yourself away

my hands are tied
my body bruised
she got me with
nothing to win
and nothing left to lose
and you give yourself away
and you give yourself away
and you give
and you give
and you give yourself away

with or without you
with or without you
I can't live
with or without you

I remember Christian playing this on his guitar, singing on his answering machine tape his first semester away. I remember calling twenty times a night just to hear his voice. I miss him now. Hoping he is doing alright in Spain, that he is happy and finding some kind of purpose to his life, that he has stopped drinking and maybe the depression doesn't hurt so much. Because we both know it never goes away.

I was so happy to see him, before he ran off. Holding hands on New Years, walking in the dark, these long conversations about the space between our life and dreams. Laughing and confessing to the oh so secret crushes we had for each other, and what fools we were. Kids with no idea, walking home in the dark and biting each other's hands. All the pain and all the sadness never washed away those memories. I want to see him again, give him a hug and tell him to always hold on. Ask him to play the guitar for me again, to sing U2 and Talking Heads, David Bowie and Bjork.

I miss you Christian. Take care of yourself, where ever you are right now.