(no subject)

Driving home at 4am, on a highway almost empty, listening to the air and thinking that sometimes things end up very different from what you expect.

It's all for you
You got me where you want
It's all for you
Just stop breaking my heart
You're the blood I'm the seed
And it's all that I need
It's all for you

the beginning of the last month

Driving in the afternoon, blue sky with white puffed clouds, warm summershine feeling o the air, in Melynda's car listening to rock n' roll at volume. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the side mirror, wearing sunglasses and my purple pajamas, with my hair still fluffy and tousled from sleep, and I think, damn how did I ever get to be that beautiful girl? It doesn't last long, but I'm thankful for the moment, and I wonder if this is what other people see sometimes.

We're driving to Houston tonight, and I'm going to sit in Melynda's backyard by the pool, and pretend for a little while that this is all there is to the world.

because it's all I can hear in my head

Jack Kerouac on the road
And in my head
I need relevance, intelligence
A new tattoo, a lot more sex
Broken families, the new enemy
You will not make up for this
A suburban man, he wants discipline
But I just need a friend
It's all for you
You got me where you want
It's all for you
Just stop breaking my heart
You're the blood I'm the seed
And it's all that I need
It's all for you
Just stop breaking my heart

I find myself singing this over and over, feeling the guitar twang mercilessly in time with my heart and the desire to run. I hear when I lay down on my bed, in the darkness I can create against the afternoon sun. I hear it in the air, under my breath, and my lips can not stop forming the words.