(no subject)

Patterns of ribbon grey cover the sky, like brush strokes. Like the varnish on a violin, seen up close. Curious.

I like this cold. Strange to say, that of all the times of year I like this one, because it always seems that I am going somewhere, pulling something together, holding out here more than anywhere else. Perhaps it is just for the challenge.

Echoes, stronger than I've heard them in years are passing through me.

We're leaving tonight, as soon as Melynda gets off work. The mad twilight dash for the highway, and open road. I brought some cds along. My pie recipes are tuccked into my bag, along with a sweater, something to hold my hair back, and those sorts of things. I'm wearing an unseasonable shirt today and my battered leather jacket, and boots. Armor against something. The world maybe.

I need a cigarette to keep my fingers warm

Watching Moby perform live gets weirder every year. I couldn't really say why, just that I feel compelled to see him again the next time I can.

Gods and monsters, I'm in a weird mood. That may be part of the weather, and because I stayed up til the ealry hours of morning dealing with a very strange aspect of my latest character's personality. This extreme take on honor and and doing things the right way is disconcerting.

Wow. Holy Hell, there's a video for "The Mercy Seat?" I have never seen this. Of all the Nick Cave songs I know and love, this one always gives me the creeps.

How weirdly appropriate for this moment. I want to run, I want to scream, I'd like to just be something else for a time.

we are made by our choices

I'm watching MTV2, and it only serves to make me feel stranger. Watching Eminem is like a crash in slow motion. In between all the crap, sometimes there is a song or a band with some quality that makes it worth watching. Like MC 900ft Jesus, and "If I Had a Brain." In truth, there's nothing enlightening about most television, Babylon 5 isn't on, and there's only so much CNN I can take these days before I start shrieking. Adding random things to my wishlist on Amazon is only entertaining for so long. Of course Yahoo Mail would tank right before I leave.

All this restless yearning will have to purge itself on the drive to Houston. I wonder how fast we can do it tonight. Melynda made it once in just over two hours. It's about 165 miles city to city, as the highways go. Less than that as the crow flies. Crows. There have been so many crows lately, that I can't help but see it as some sign. But then, I've always been looking for signs in things.

I'm making three pies at least. Chocolate Caramel Pie, Cherry Cheesecake Pie, and the Coffee-Cookie Ice Cream Pie. Enough sugar to send even a fully grown adult into a frenzy. I may bake some others, just for the hell of it. Melynda's mother is overjoyed to have someone who actually wants to cook around for Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to this more than I should. I feel a little guilty for leaving town, as this is the first year my mother is all by herself in the house. My sister will probably go over there. Christmas I'm dreading. As selfish and awful it may be, I will pitch an unholy fit if she wants to stay at the house and bring Dimwit with her. If my father's not going to be there, I'm sure as hell not standing for that boy to be in my house.

My head aches. I've had 64 ounces of orange juice in less than 24 hours, and half a pack of cigarettes, and obviously not enough caffiene. I need you. The prospect of being without my laptop is distressing. I have chewed on my lips too much, and need to start using my lipgloss on a more regular basis. You're not here. I gave a soda to the moving man this afternoon, because he was hauling a washer & dryer set up to the second floor. My feet are cold in my boots. I am going now, and I'll come back. I can hear you, still.