falling forever, rambling

The bluebonnets are everywhere, like shards of the sky that have fallen down on the sides of the highways. When I drive to work I see people stopped on the side of the road, taking pictures. I think I might be one of the few people here without the almost obligatory picture in the bluebonnets. It might be a good idea to go out and do it. Maybe Gene will take my picture for me.

Work went by more quickly that I anticipated, probably because I felt like I was getting things done, learning and all that. There was cake. Which helps.

"I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore
It never was and never will be
You don't know how you betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled"

This song reminds me of someone from my past. But even though it's sad, I realize I've let go of a lot of that.

I was thinking about the difference in me now when I listen to these songs, or the songs I might have listened to at certain points in my life. They are sad, and beautiful, but I don't have the crushing sense of pain wrapped up in them. There are still a great many things I cry when I hear or when I'm screaming them out in the car. I'm not sure what it is, or even how to express it, but it is there. I can listen to Pretty Hate Machine and Broken without feeling the urge to run until I drop and cover my hands in razor thin cuts. I remember it, but it isn't quite me anymore. I don't know how to say it any more clearly.

I sent Rachel the newest installment of the wizard's story, and she wrote me this poignant email. It was one of those things that made me rest my hand on my chest and hold my breath. I don't see her enough right now, and she understands my relationship with the wizard in a rare sort of way so that we can sit and discuss him as my wayward son.

What will next come to pass is as always uncertain. I still trust that life will take us where we are meant to be. -Rachel

Don't turn away

The Washington Post has a photo section titled Camera Works. I'm looking at these pictures, of women saying goodbye to their children before shipping out, or kids not so much older than me pointing M16s at bunches of Iraqis sitting on the road, of people dead in the dust and sand, of a middle aged woman with rings on her fingers holding up a gun, of a man whose daughter is missing, of the Danish Prime Minister covered in red paint, of protestors in plastic cuffs, of a nine year old girl covered in bandages, of Bush sitting in a godawful ugly chair at Camp David with Blair, of buildings burning and explosions and blood and death and destruction and this had better be worth it, this had fucking better be worth it, do you hear me?

sometimes calling the police is a fun thing

They've recently widened Anderson Mill Road to four lanes, and connected it from Parmer to 183, resulting in a large influx of traffic. This wouldn't bother me except for the fact there these people drive 45 through the school zones. There is an elementary school and a middle school right on the road about halfway between the highways, in the middle of the neighborhood. It pisses me off to see all those kids walking home, and people blitzing through there without caring.

So today, I used my cell phone. I called Williamson County about it, and not ten minutes later I saw at least two police cars, and one was already pulling someone over. Hah! Beware my powers of righteous indignation and my cellphone of doom +2!

This is me waving all the people getting tickets right now. Fines are double in a school zone motherfucker.