no pain remains, no feeling, eternity awaits

So far the things that make me happiest about Netflix are:

- I can watch these Zhang Yimou films I've never been able to rent before like Ju Dou and To Live. Several years ago I rented Raise the Red Lantern and was floored by it. It's a brilliant film and worth watching.

- I can also watch the entire run of Babylon 5 again. My mother and I watched it often, and of the many sci-fi series that scrambled to fill the gap behind Star Trek: The Next Generation, I really did like this one best. It had more weird, and stranger aliens I think.

I had weird, weird dreams again. (I blame reading The Island of Doctor Moreau right before bed.) Someone once told me you're not supposed to feel pain in your dreams, but I do. I remember touching the gaping wound in my thigh, and trying to pull loose the swath of blood soaked cotton pressed into it. It was stuck in the congealing blood, and I screamed with a pain so acute I felt like I was going to faint. The memory of it is making me twitchy and anxious. I woke abruptly, thankfully.

Once, a long long time ago, maybe 1999 or 2000, I had a dream where I died on the steps of the UT Tower. I remember everything about the dream with a clarity I rather wish I didn't have.

when you sleep at night, they can't hear your cries back in your own world

Okay, I'll cop to being mildly disturbed by the past five minutes. I have a two inch wide, oval shaped bruise with a quarter inch cut in the center. It wasn't there yesterday, and I know I haven't had any of my regular extracurricular activities that lead to injuries since Sunday. It also happens to be right where I got stabbed in my dream.

make this last forever

The last girl in the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
The first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water the way you taught me to look past everything I have ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love
- Snow Patrol

I wrote a long, unbearable entry about superstitious habits and self esteem but I made it private to save us all.

The only thing I need to note is that I'm seeing Snow Patrol on March 10th and the Killers on April 13th.