![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'm waiting for the spots on the floor to dry before I get back to exercising. (I really, really loved our floors that can be cleaned with Windex and a swiffer. Swiffers win over brooms for sweeping though I want to find some reusable alternatives for the cloths.) So while I wait, I will write.
A lot of things contributed to this post. Several blog posts I've seen in the past few days on the internet, the book I'm reading right now, a really unpleasant snowballing argument from several weeks ago, yesterday's therapy and the long conversation I had with Mike last night. It all deals in one way or another with the fear of persecution, the imaginary chorus in our heads, and projecting your own issues onto other people.
That's a very long and circuitous route to saying this - I need to stop imagining I am at the center of everyone's thoughts and judgments.
What triggers this for me is the subject of my family. I obsess constantly over the idea that people are judging me with regards to the choices I've made about my family. I worry that any time I write about how I feel about my parents or my sister that I'm committing offenses against people I know, that they are hurt and angry and upset with me. It is important to note that no one has ever actually done this here, that this fear is in some ways irrational and it only leads to this cycle of thinking that causes anger and pushes me away from people.
My choices about what to do with my family are my own. They do not reflect on anyone else's experience. I am not judging anyone else with my choices. It sounds so simple, but I have to work to remind myself of the truth in that.
A lot of things contributed to this post. Several blog posts I've seen in the past few days on the internet, the book I'm reading right now, a really unpleasant snowballing argument from several weeks ago, yesterday's therapy and the long conversation I had with Mike last night. It all deals in one way or another with the fear of persecution, the imaginary chorus in our heads, and projecting your own issues onto other people.
That's a very long and circuitous route to saying this - I need to stop imagining I am at the center of everyone's thoughts and judgments.
What triggers this for me is the subject of my family. I obsess constantly over the idea that people are judging me with regards to the choices I've made about my family. I worry that any time I write about how I feel about my parents or my sister that I'm committing offenses against people I know, that they are hurt and angry and upset with me. It is important to note that no one has ever actually done this here, that this fear is in some ways irrational and it only leads to this cycle of thinking that causes anger and pushes me away from people.
My choices about what to do with my family are my own. They do not reflect on anyone else's experience. I am not judging anyone else with my choices. It sounds so simple, but I have to work to remind myself of the truth in that.