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everything I needed
Jun. 26th, 2012 08:42 amLet's talk about how cathartic last night was for me. I spent all day drinking coffee and talking, bought plane tickets to Atlanta and San Diego for vacations and then danced my fucking ass off to some incredible industrial noise.
When I hung out with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
redstapler during the afternoon, she commented that I seemed a lot more together than my posts made me sound. (Because we are insane, we decided to sit outside on a 105 degree day and drink coffee all afternoon and talk crazy stories.) I felt okay and not okay, but in a better place to hold it together without crying. Having been so erratic in my eating and caffiene habits, I was buzzed out of my skull. There was some doubt about the club getting open due to an electrical fire over the weekend but thank all the gods that they made it. I spent a lot of the evening talking to a cute, sweet gothy girl who drives up from San Antonio for shows.
ESA opened up the show and the guy managed to kick the power cords during his last song, almost at the very end. It was probably the most hilarious and awesome way to end a set I've seen in ages. He promptly growled out the final words and just laughed and blamed his whiskey and the heat. Then W.A.S.T.E. brutalized my ears and it was too hot for them to wear their masks. They swung into an amazing set. (Everyone talked about the heat and how exhausted they were.) End the DJ played one of my favorite Combichrist songs and some Alien Vampires. Then iVardensphere played this crazy set full of drums and percussion. It was all so loud, and so very, very good. I danced for at least three fucking hours almost non stop, not caring if I looked as cool as the pretty cyber girls in almost nothing or anyone there who can actually dance gracefully. It's dark and there's fog and lights and I'm pretty sure no one was really looking at me. It just felt right and good to be moving in that crushing sound, only pausing to gulp water and gasp for air.
I even talked to the guys from W.A.S.T.E. during the evening, and one of the guys from iVardensphere complimented my Terrorfakt shirt. I told them I had a really horrible week, the sort you wished never happened. But the show and the music saved me. It is true - I felt human, I felt alive and it didn't hurt. I felt good, for the first time in several days. It was everything I needed.
I think James would have been glad that I went out, even if he might have made faces about my current taste in music. We used to jump up and down and scream together, lost in the lights and sound. I think I have to start going out more, and more specifically going out to dance.
Today I physically ache. I had to get up and take some tylenol in the middle of the night because of the mass amount of industrial noise that filled my head and the blisters on my feet. I feel a little deaf today. It was worth it, every single moment.
When I hung out with
redstapler during the afternoon, she commented that I seemed a lot more together than my posts made me sound. (Because we are insane, we decided to sit outside on a 105 degree day and drink coffee all afternoon and talk crazy stories.) I felt okay and not okay, but in a better place to hold it together without crying. Having been so erratic in my eating and caffiene habits, I was buzzed out of my skull. There was some doubt about the club getting open due to an electrical fire over the weekend but thank all the gods that they made it. I spent a lot of the evening talking to a cute, sweet gothy girl who drives up from San Antonio for shows. ESA opened up the show and the guy managed to kick the power cords during his last song, almost at the very end. It was probably the most hilarious and awesome way to end a set I've seen in ages. He promptly growled out the final words and just laughed and blamed his whiskey and the heat. Then W.A.S.T.E. brutalized my ears and it was too hot for them to wear their masks. They swung into an amazing set. (Everyone talked about the heat and how exhausted they were.) End the DJ played one of my favorite Combichrist songs and some Alien Vampires. Then iVardensphere played this crazy set full of drums and percussion. It was all so loud, and so very, very good. I danced for at least three fucking hours almost non stop, not caring if I looked as cool as the pretty cyber girls in almost nothing or anyone there who can actually dance gracefully. It's dark and there's fog and lights and I'm pretty sure no one was really looking at me. It just felt right and good to be moving in that crushing sound, only pausing to gulp water and gasp for air.
I even talked to the guys from W.A.S.T.E. during the evening, and one of the guys from iVardensphere complimented my Terrorfakt shirt. I told them I had a really horrible week, the sort you wished never happened. But the show and the music saved me. It is true - I felt human, I felt alive and it didn't hurt. I felt good, for the first time in several days. It was everything I needed.
I think James would have been glad that I went out, even if he might have made faces about my current taste in music. We used to jump up and down and scream together, lost in the lights and sound. I think I have to start going out more, and more specifically going out to dance.
Today I physically ache. I had to get up and take some tylenol in the middle of the night because of the mass amount of industrial noise that filled my head and the blisters on my feet. I feel a little deaf today. It was worth it, every single moment.