threeplusfire: (short david bowie)
three ([personal profile] threeplusfire) wrote2002-08-20 03:28 pm

I have nothing left to prove

Tomorrow is the exam that counts. We shall see if I earn my certificate or not. Though I do not know why I should worry, since my degree is done, and I am not really a student any longer. God, that is depressing. I think maybe I will just go to classes for the hell of it. So I don't feel so old.

Yesterday I bought a plane ticket from Prague to Frankfurt for Sunday. On Monday I am flying back to Texas. I can't think of much to say about it. There are things I adore here. The land is beautiful, breath-taking, so fraught with time and history and memory. The cathedral here is several centuries old. The building I live in was built by the Communists. There are cobblestone streets. Mozart lived here once. There are white butterflies, and flowers. The beer is good, and cheap.

I am lonely though. Much as that might once have seemed an admission of weakness, of my general unfitness to be, I cna accept that it is only human and real. I miss the people who know me. Strange to think that they have not known me for a long period of my life, but for a significant piece of it. I met Gene and Melynda around the same time, I think. Of all the people I met two years ago, I did not think that they would be the ones I would come to care for so much.

I miss my friends. I miss my family also. I can not help but worry about them. I miss my cats, my bed. Little things, that I suppose I would grow away from in time.

Thinking about this a lot over the past week. I could be really happy here. I could also be profoundly miserable, especially come winter. However much I want to be here, I do not want to be here alone. Which means, I suppose, that I am going to have talk Melynda into learning some Czech...

In the meantime, I am going back to Texas.

[identity profile] tinywarrior.livejournal.com 2002-08-20 06:48 am (UTC)(link)
Come on home, little Sheba. I miss my lunches anyhow. I'll be very glad to see you!!! : )

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[identity profile] tsarina.livejournal.com 2002-08-20 07:07 am (UTC)(link)
Yay! We really must have lunch, Mexican food! God in heaven, do I miss salsa.

[identity profile] reive.livejournal.com 2002-08-20 07:04 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad we'll have you back, at least until you move your whole Texas compound out there.

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[identity profile] tsarina.livejournal.com 2002-08-20 07:09 am (UTC)(link)
Hehe. That image is hysterical. Maybe we should buy one of the old castles, and move in. One with a proper dungeon, I think. You would have to come visit. :P

[identity profile] deatonjr.livejournal.com 2002-08-20 09:21 am (UTC)(link)
I thought you were staying in europe?

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[identity profile] tsarina.livejournal.com 2002-08-21 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
I have decided to come back to texas for a little while.
(deleted comment)

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[identity profile] tsarina.livejournal.com 2002-08-21 03:10 am (UTC)(link)
I think I should learn to think out my life decisions more thoroughly from now on. I have this tendency to leap headlong into things without counting the cost. Ah well. I live, I learn.
(deleted comment)

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[identity profile] tsarina.livejournal.com 2002-08-21 06:53 am (UTC)(link)
Hehe, sometimes it is good to be reminded of that fact.

Melynda's Response

(Anonymous) 2002-08-20 06:02 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not learning Czech, perhaps you should learn some spanish and we can move to Argentina.

Re: Melynda's Response

[identity profile] tsarina.livejournal.com 2002-08-21 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
Oh lord. I used the one awful spanish sentence you say on the girl from Mexico, and she started laughing like mad.

Argentina does not have castles! We need to move to Europe.

[identity profile] janoux.livejournal.com 2002-08-21 04:37 am (UTC)(link)
>The land is beautiful, breath-taking, so fraught with time and >history and memory. The cathedral here is several centuries old. >The building I live in was built by the Communists. There are >cobblestone streets. Mozart lived here once.

when i've been outside america, this is what i think about most. the fact that compared to other countries (though i've only been to parts of asia) we're do very very young, and while we have history, it's not lost in time. we have no buildings older than 400 years, really...

sometimes i crave the weight of history...

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[identity profile] tsarina.livejournal.com 2002-08-21 06:14 am (UTC)(link)
It is always strange to go back, because everything feels so new and plastic. Such an odd thought, that there are buildings, just buildings here older than my home country.

[identity profile] water-damage.livejournal.com 2002-08-24 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
Wow. SO soon? I haven't even come to visit yet! :-) It will be nice knowing the Tsarina is back in town, though!

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[identity profile] tsarina.livejournal.com 2002-08-24 06:47 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I will be home next week. I miss Texas.