where is the horse and the rider?
Dec. 31st, 2002 05:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threeplusfireFives times now, and it gets harder each time to remember that I am only sitting in the dark in front of the enormous silvered screen. The shot with Eowyn coming up the steps to the great hall at Edoras, and you can see her legs because she's holding that green dress up to run moves me for some reason I can not fully articulate. Fives times, and every time I weep for it, every single damned time. Perhaps it is the music, and all those people trying to make the right decisions, and the despair of leaving, of dying.
I really don't give a damn what kind of evolutionary throwback it makes me to want a simpler, feudalistic era, with Tolkien's nostalgia and all. I don't remember which review I read made that comment now. But it would rest easier on my heart to know what I believed in, for the answer to be that much clearer for me. Because all I fucking want anymore is to know what I believe and I don't have that answer.
Metro, my Metro at 3am on a Monday night is sparsely populated. But Steve is working, so you know the music will be good, even with all those strange Depeche Mode covers that are oddly entertaining. On the way home I heard a song I used to sing under my breath in my seventh grade math class, after we moved and I was again the unfamiliar strange kid who told stories that were wildly far off what should have been true.
And yes, I am in a mood, and no I really couldn't give you a good reason. Other than this inner voice that seems to affect me very strongly right now, and I'll chalk that up to it being the end of the year. I hate this day, I hate this moment with a passion because it fills me with such unease. I should spend it somewhere loud and full of people I know, but I imagine I will be at home, cleaning and consuming stimulants. Or perhaps I'll just take something so I sleep through it all. But we both hate to sleep, hate the thought we might be missing something, so we wake up early even though there is nothing to do.
I really don't give a damn what kind of evolutionary throwback it makes me to want a simpler, feudalistic era, with Tolkien's nostalgia and all. I don't remember which review I read made that comment now. But it would rest easier on my heart to know what I believed in, for the answer to be that much clearer for me. Because all I fucking want anymore is to know what I believe and I don't have that answer.
Metro, my Metro at 3am on a Monday night is sparsely populated. But Steve is working, so you know the music will be good, even with all those strange Depeche Mode covers that are oddly entertaining. On the way home I heard a song I used to sing under my breath in my seventh grade math class, after we moved and I was again the unfamiliar strange kid who told stories that were wildly far off what should have been true.
And yes, I am in a mood, and no I really couldn't give you a good reason. Other than this inner voice that seems to affect me very strongly right now, and I'll chalk that up to it being the end of the year. I hate this day, I hate this moment with a passion because it fills me with such unease. I should spend it somewhere loud and full of people I know, but I imagine I will be at home, cleaning and consuming stimulants. Or perhaps I'll just take something so I sleep through it all. But we both hate to sleep, hate the thought we might be missing something, so we wake up early even though there is nothing to do.
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Re: TTT
Date: 2003-01-01 04:31 pm (UTC)Re: TTT
Date: 2003-01-01 05:49 pm (UTC)Re: TTT
Date: 2003-01-01 05:54 pm (UTC)