(no subject)

[threeplusfire]

Windy day. Too windy to fly a kite.

I'm sitting here adding numbers over and over, trying to figure out how to make everything work. I must put together the money to fly to Montana and see Rose in May. I'd like to see her again, and see the strange place that is Montana.

The apartment is quieter than before. I think about all the times Patrick was ever here, every fight every kiss every time. Almost three years. Pretty long for a relationship. Long time to feel so unresolved. There is a part of me that wanted so much to say yes, to wear that ring, to make that commitment. The last thing I ever expected to want was a marriage.

Part of me is still uncertain, and scared. The situation with my parents has shaken me. I always believed that they loved each other, and it seems that I was wrong. I always thought that would be there, that their marriage was a genuiune one and would last. Watching the divorce go through, and hearing the harshness in their voices now leaves me cold. I'm struggling to make some kind of sense of it, so that I can move away. Because it shouldn't affect me as much as it does. It hurts, and it is damaging my faith in people.

We'll see, we'll see.

Comments

Re: learning not to stress

[jengirl.livejournal.com]

I hope so, too. Good Luck. :>