this is real

[threeplusfire]

I had my first suicidal caller today, about two hours ago. It was an older woman who just wanted to die. She felt her life was hopeless, and that all the people who loved her were gone. Her daughter died, and her son was murdered, and she had nowhere to go.

My hands shook so badly when she first wailed it out. I spent nearly an hour on the line, until law enforcement arrived. Someone sat with me, and I had supervisors running around trying to track down the address and get the police out immediately.

It was terrifying.

I should be glad that I was able to talk to her. I should be glad that I got things rolling so she can help. But I still feel sick to my stomach. I had the life of a stranger in my hands for that hour, it felt like and I was so afraid that she would hang up.

Comments

smiles of understanding

[trueliminality.livejournal.com]

Though I am repeating what you have probably already heard quite a bit today… you were able to keep her on the line until help could get to her, that is the reason that she called you to begin with. She wanted one last chance to see if the world had enough good in it; you provided that to her.

Shaky as such can make you; you answered what she believed to be her last plea to the world…

*smiles of understanding*