Some days, I feel really, really old.

[threeplusfire]

Today I broke up with my therapist. That sounds so dramatic. It was very amicable and easy and something I've thought about for months. I just don't want to be in therapy right now. It feels too much like judgment and even though I know that is not what it is meant to be, it hurts. Sometimes thinking about the mess my complicated gender/body situation puts me in makes me angry.

I sort of thought I might go looking for mountain laurel bushes at a garden center, maybe swing by the Asian market. I feel a bit guilty about how much time I've dumped into DA2 recently. (Though I have been getting some chores done around the house! Sort of.. dinner cooking has definitely slacked. Tonight I swear I'm making something.)

I feel like I should play a bunch today however. Because I need to write some sappy, sweet fic about happy endings because in game those happy endings aren't truly possible. Also because life is full of difficult, awful moments. A friend of mine is in the hospital right now, and I should really write this fic so she has something to make her laugh because the alternative is being scared and sad.

Probably I should go and buy a rack of saints candles, because that is my superstitious ritual when things are hard. I burn them when things are hard.

Comments

[ladyofthelog.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I really, really understand where you're at with therapy right now. I had an amazing therapist for two years, and it would take an equally amazing therapist for me to get back into therapy. (I admit, I sometimes think about moving back to St. Louis, and the possibility of being able to see her again is largely why.) Sometimes you're not in a place to do the work, sometimes it's not the right person, sometimes it's both.

My therapist in Chicago kept trying to get me to talk about Jason and I was just like, lol, what even, no.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It is so hard. It's like dating but weirder, or trying to find a job or some horrible combination of lots of things.