Some days, I feel really, really old.

[threeplusfire]

Today I broke up with my therapist. That sounds so dramatic. It was very amicable and easy and something I've thought about for months. I just don't want to be in therapy right now. It feels too much like judgment and even though I know that is not what it is meant to be, it hurts. Sometimes thinking about the mess my complicated gender/body situation puts me in makes me angry.

I sort of thought I might go looking for mountain laurel bushes at a garden center, maybe swing by the Asian market. I feel a bit guilty about how much time I've dumped into DA2 recently. (Though I have been getting some chores done around the house! Sort of.. dinner cooking has definitely slacked. Tonight I swear I'm making something.)

I feel like I should play a bunch today however. Because I need to write some sappy, sweet fic about happy endings because in game those happy endings aren't truly possible. Also because life is full of difficult, awful moments. A friend of mine is in the hospital right now, and I should really write this fic so she has something to make her laugh because the alternative is being scared and sad.

Probably I should go and buy a rack of saints candles, because that is my superstitious ritual when things are hard. I burn them when things are hard.

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[halfacork.livejournal.com]

Dave brought the laptop but there are two issues: where to plug it in and where to set it up. I'm limited even in how I sit in my prison of a bed. Dave has mentioned getting me the iPad but we have to pay for weeks of me in the hospital followed by possibly months of James staying after I get out.

We can't afford that, but then again we can't afford it without an iPad either