with labels!

delchi sent me an enormous box filled with cds and comics. I now have more eighties music than anyone else here in town. It is very cool! Thank you ever so much. It's good to listen to the Cure again.

It took forever for work to end. I think our building was moving slower than the rest of the world.

la madeline

Went out to lunch today with Karen, and then for coffee. We had a good time and talked a lot about all kinds of stuff. There was a time when I thought I wasn't ever going to be able to do that again. Maybe it's a side effect of growing up and realizing just how messed up I was, how messed up the situations were, and all the crap that happened in 2001. I feel like there's no point to holding on to any of that anymore.

Only one cigarette so far today. I am working my way down to around half a dozen a day. No more smoking in the mornings, I think. I'm not sure I'm ready to quit entirely, but I am trying to smoke less. I won't be able to wuit entirely until I get an exercise routine going, because I don't need to put on another twenty pounds.

Tsar Slate is meowing at me, so I must go pet the kitty before he jumps into the middle of my desk.

tense much?

I have a mild fear of crowds that can fluctuate wildly. Knowing this, the decision to go to the grocery store the night before the Super Bowl was a very bad one.

It was horribly crowded and I had a cart to hold all the vegetables and cake things. I chose the least crowded aisle to go up. At the end, a girl was blocking the path with her cart, waiting in line. There was room for me to pass if she would shift a few inches one way or the other. I made eye contact and politely said "Excuse me, I need to get by."

She looked directly at me, and then walked away. Walked away like she hadn't noticed me at all, to look at magazines. I completely lost my temper and called her a bitch, then moved her cart myself. The entire time all she did was glance at me with an utterly blank expression.

I will not take that from people I know, much less strangers. Perhaps I was out of line in bellowing an obscenity at her, but it punched an awful button in me. I felt sick to my stomach the entire time I was in HEB.

Hiding at home now to recover my balance. I hate losing control in such a fashion. Ever since my car was broken into, I've felt a lot more unnecessary unease and tension. Every time I walk out to my car, I worry I'll see another broken window. I worry about getting mugged, despite my only experience with that being overseas. It's irritating, and I need to work through it soon.

Edited to add:

I'm not the only one. Alan ran to Walmart to pick up a bundt pan for me and stuff for tomatillo salsa. Inside there were only 5 registers open, and dozens of people in line for each one. A manager walked by, and Alan lit into him. He asked the manager why he couldn't open a register. The manager replied in a shocked tone that he was busy managing thing. Alan's reply? "Well you're doing a shit job of that, aren't you?" Other customers were getting involved, and sensing a riot, the little manager ran off to open more registers. Hah! Cate, he picked a fight with a manager in Walmart! We are officially Texas white trash now! Hahaha.

cake baking

I made a cake and even got it out of the bundt pan without breaking it. Go me. I love baking.

It's a peppermint angel food cake speckled with chocolate. I was worried when tasting the batter that the peppermint would be too strong, but it tastes quite subtle. Relief!

( Recipe )

I'm thinking around 6pm tomorrow for folks to come over. Crap, must call Rachel right now! I am so bad with the phone. Well, that's taken care of now. I've never called anyone so late before, Miss Manners would have my head.

Now to drink wine and play with the cat.