scary advertising and talk of vaginas

[threeplusfire]

The Chronicle has an ad just across from the table of contents this week from The Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of San Antonio. Um, whiskey tango foxtrot? The mere idea of a laser anywhere near my vagina gives me hives. The ad text reads, arranged over a nude female form and a row of smiling female faces:

New Comestic Procedures
Ladies! Experience how good life can be!
Our Board certified OB GYN, Troy Robbins Hailporn M.D., can completely resculpt and rejuvenate the vagina with a 1-hour laser procedure. These new GYN procedures help: tighten the vagina after childbirth, improve stress urinary incontinence, enhance sexual gratification. She also performs: labia reduction for large/uneven labia minora, reconstruction of the hymen

www.cosmeticgyn.net

Wha?!?!?!? The whole thing sounds hideous and very, very, very painful. The site has some graphic little diagrams, so you probably shouldn't peruse it at work. I am so very disturbed. Why the hell would you want your hymen back, unless you're playing sme shell game where you sell yourself for a lot of money as a prize virgin whore? Who the hell cares about the labia being symmetrical?

The grotesque desire for extreme plastic surgery to achieve some artificial and unnatural standard of beauty suddenly seems a whole lot more ugly now. The first person who tries to put a laser or a scalpel anywhere near my damned labia is getting a bullet in the eye.

Comments

[genetic.livejournal.com]

Man, the doctor's name is HailPorn, what do you expect?

[meallanmouse.livejournal.com]

Reconstruction of the hymen I knew about (my father's an ObGyn) but... the rest of the above and what's on that website kinda leaves me flabbergasted.

Pun unintended. ;)

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

I remember, as a little girl, sneak-reading my mother's copy of The Hite Report and being utterly horrified at the woman who confessed that she found her inner labia so "long and ugly" that she once nearly snipped them off herself with a pair of kitchen shears. Clearly, Dr. Hailporn read that passage as well and had a light bulb go off over his head.

[jonqui.livejournal.com]

WTF!! How disgusting!
*hides head in shame* What the hell is our society becoming?

[lawnrrd]

Note to self: no knife play with Amanda.

[a311renegade.livejournal.com]

Vaginas frighten me :-P

[delchi.livejournal.com]

unless you're playing sme shell game where you sell yourself for a lot of money as a prize virgin whore?

that happens every day here. The only thing more shocking than that is the line of guys waiting to play.

vagina dentata?

[feu-de-fripe.livejournal.com]

all i have to say about looseness after childbirth is KEGELS ever heard of them? they strengthen your pelvic floor and make it easier to push out the baby AND keep you from suffering incontinence.

[multifoiled.livejournal.com]

That's just wrong. And the fact his name is 'Hailporn' is so, so, so classic.

[dragonflychey.livejournal.com]

sweet jesus.

Do you mind if I pass a link to this entry on to someone I know?

[dragonflychey.livejournal.com]

For some reason I can't get the www.cosmeticgyn.net link to work. Is anyone else having that problem?

[antonstrout.livejournal.com]

Well, I can't wait for the new laser penis so I can use mine like a light saber!