step up

[threeplusfire]

Some of you will say you know this. But this goes further than just knowing. it's not just about saying "Oh, I know this!". It's about DOING. It's about lifestyle. It's about every day words and actions. It's about changing the world we live in, one word at a time, one action at a time. Over and over and over again, until it sticks.

http://meallanmouse.livejournal.com/1043361.html

Yes. For heaven's sake, live what you talk.

Comments

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

Ok, in all seriousness:

Seriously, as a male after reading this I feel dirty for being male - and that's just as wrong as the wrongs that are described against women.

When I was eleven, I was assaulted by a group of fifteen-year-olds. They told me that since I had such large breasts, I couldn't expect to not have to share. They burned me with cigarettes and cut my shirt off in the pursuit of that "sharing." When I went to the authorities about it, I was asked what I'd done to provoke such behavior, and told that they couldn't help themselves and that I'd need to toughen up. I've spent tens of thousands of dollars in therapy and years of my life trying to integrate that experience healthily.

You, on the other hand, feel bad because of something you read on the Internet.

You wanna re-think that claim that the latter is just as bad as the former?

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Okay, you know you are my friend - but your response to this other person is needlessly cruel with the unique snowflake comment.

I'm not sure I can pinpoint exactly how this all spiraled out of control, but I am really surprised. I don't know where or how you're getting some anti-male sentiment out of this, because I keep reading six ways to Sunday and I'm not seeing it. But I think this needs to pause right now.

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

Sorry, ma'am. Didn't mean to hijack.

*facepalm* Or sir! Didn't mean to make gender assumptions!

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Hahah! But that's kind of hilarious, given my transgendered state. Either is appropriate.

And after all, how can you tell the gender of the swimming pool in the icon? :D

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

My assumption honestly was based on the username. But hell, sometimes boys want to be pretty princesses too, right?

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Indeed. One of my enormous (ridiculous) internal crisis moments as I wrestled with coming out as transgender (ftm) was "Oh god, does this mean I have to give up all my earrings and tiaras? Noooooooooo!" I have since decided that men do not get enough sparkly dangly earrings so I must continue to wear mine.

[mattcaron.livejournal.com]

On the flip side, male fashion does tend to get a better assortment of trousers with useful pockets. Being a bit of a gadget whore, yet not wanting to adopt either the utility belt or photographer's vest, this appeals to me.

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

Sugarplum, I didn't point blame. I took specific issue with a specific sentence, which even you have now repudiated. Abuse and violence is always awful.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

In any other situation, I think it would immediately bring commiseration. But you're directing the conversation away from "these things happen that are bad, more men AND women need to step up to break down this culture" to "what you're saying makes me feel bad about my gender." Which I think the author of the post pretty clearly told you was not the case. You are making this very much about you, and while you are a valid valued human being with tragic experiences, that isn't what was posted.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I confess then that I do not understand and am at a loss as to how to bridge this disconnect.

[lizkayl.livejournal.com]

I think everyone in this discussion is in agreement, delchi was just saying that it made him feel guilty.

I was doing reading on Racefail and realized, just because you don't mean to do say or something offensive, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. How am I, not being male, supposed to know how much that offends him? Just because it doesn't offend me, doesn't make it inoffensive. You can't make someone feel one way or another.

The best thing I've found for moving past it is to apologize for the slight, validate their concern (assuming they aren't full of it, which delchi obviously isn't), and try not to do it again.

[rosathome.livejournal.com]

No, but you can change how you feel.

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

Also , comparing how a piece of text makes a person feel vs illegal physical violence is not a fair comparison.

It's your comparison. If you want to back off from it now, that's fine.

[lizkayl.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that those boys attacked you and that the authorities in your life failed you. Those are not appropriate reactions and there should have been more people standing up for you.

So- let's encourage people to stand up for each other.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

When I went to the authorities about it, I was asked what I'd done to provoke such behavior, and told that they couldn't help themselves and that I'd need to toughen up.

I think I understand - that is almost exactly the response I got from my high school when a guy punched me in the face and tried to rape me in the middle of the courtyard during lunch because he heard I was gay. Obviously, they said, my immoral lifestyle incited this boy to righteous indignation.

I wish the internet allowed me a better way to express some kind of acknowledgment of your feelings and your experience - but I hear you.

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

It's exactly the same, and for exactly the same reasons. The system of power we have right now thinks that there are cases where violence is appropriate. they're wrong.

[mattcaron.livejournal.com]

The system of power we have right now thinks that there are cases where violence is appropriate. they're wrong.

I would disagree with that. There are some cases where violence is justified, necessary, and appropriate. These folks (http://pinkpistols.org/) have it right.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Though there is a big difference between violence based in aggression, and violence used in self defense - at least to me. But then, the question of violence has always been a difficult one for me. I grew up in Texas with the attendant gun culture and the constant debate over the death penalty.

(And totally off topic, adorable icon with kitty!)

[mattcaron.livejournal.com]

I agree with you completely, but kathrynt seemed to imply that no violence is acceptable, ever.

Re: The kitty - that is Pretty Pirate Princess Two-Eyed Socks McGee. There's a pile of kittehpics here (http://www.mattcaron.net/photos/index.php).